WINE!

My kingdom for a glass of red wine! How long do I have to wait? I would have asked my Dr., but I didn't in case he thought I was a lush or something. I mean, techincally, it's a clear fluid, so really it should be fine, right? And alcohol has so many wonderful sterilizing qualities. They really should be prescribing it, shouldn't they?

Right??

Back To Myself

It's been almost a week, and I'm finally feeling much more like me again! Today, DH went back to work, and I was up and out taking the little one to preschool like normal. Still a little sore in the tummy area, and still have a little gas pain in my shoulder that likes to pop up at night when I'm trying to get comfortable, but all in all, feeling pretty awesome!

Yesterday, I went to 2 birthday parties - one for my 1 year old niece, and one for a friend's 8 year old. It was inevitable: although I'm still supposed to be on liquids, I had a little cake. Very very little, but oh so good!! However, the party for the 8 year old was a cooking party, and the kids all made their own pizzas and fruit kebabs and iced their own cakes (aka: sweat shop party...kid does all the work! ha! Brilliant!!) Well, there were these bowls of cheese...and I thought "oh, one little piece of cheese...if I chew it really really well...how bad could that be?"...yeah...I think it was bad. Well not too bad, but I think I had some pain because of it, and many panicky mental images of my stomach exploding, so today it was strictly liquids. Stupid lack of willpower. Ah well, if I had willpower, I wouldn't have needed surgery, would I? Still, I'm an idiot. From now on, I'm following instructions to the letter...you know...like I should have done in the first place.

Something that makes me a little sad is this: I've lost over 30lbs so far, and nobody has noticed that I've lost weight. Now, I realize that I'm frickin' huge, and that I'm going to have to lose a LOT to even make a dent, but still...was kinda hoping that someone would go "hey...have you lost weight?" I know, silly. But you know, I can FEEL it already in so many things, I want someone to validate me by saying it! Validate me, dammit!!! Even funnier: I know if someone DOES say it, I'm going to be secretly all "oh, they don't even think that...they're just trying to be nice."

I know I know...just back away slowly and try not to make eye contact. lol!

Finally Weighed Myself, And...

...holy CRAP!!! The other day, I was shocked that after 2 days on nothing but water, I had only lost a pound. Well this morning, I got on the scale...and I'm down 7 lbs since Tuesday! Wow! What that means is: since I weighed in at the SWLC in November, (and I have since verified that my scale and their scale is within less than a pound of each other), I have lost 33.5 lbs!!!

Now, I say that and I'm all impressed, but having said it, I'll also say that I've never struggled so much to lose weight ever in my life. Yes, it's all come off since December 22, but still...so far NOT fun. I don't know how it will progess from here on in, but I hope it will be a little less unpleasant! Still though...33.5lbs.

Starting To Feel Better

I'm 3 day post-surgery, and starting to feel somewhat better. I'm still dealing with the gas pain, which isn't so much in my chest and shoulder anymore...it's moved down to my tummy more now. I've been making hubby "burp" me, which seems to move the gas around a bit, but doesn't totally make it all better. I slept a bit better last night. I haven't taken any pain meds, more because I'm scared they're going to taste gross than anything else. A trooper I am not! I'm still eating mostly water. I'm trying to drink more, because I feel that I'm not hydrating enough, but every time I swallow, I can feel bubbles going down and not coming back up, and it's unpleasant. I've had some protein shake too, but that's it today. I can't WAIT to shower!

I think I'm babying myself a little more than I need to. I really don't like this post-surgery feeling though. Holes in me!! Yuck! I tell myself what my mother so often tells me: "this too, shall pass"...and I know it will, but man the days are crawling past!

Today, I took the book "In Defense Of Food", by Michael Pollan out of the library. I know so much about nutrition already, but it can't hurt to know more and more. I think this guy writes with some humour, and I'm looking forward to what he has to say. And in the meantime, I've put together some recipes for when I can eat pureed food in a few days. Looking very forward to that!!

And...She's Back!

Well...here I am, officially a bandster!

Tuesday went fine...got there, got checked in, changed into the gown and hat, chatted with the nurse and the Dr's, got weighed, and then climbed onto the operating table. I lay down while the anesthesiologist put the IV in my hand, and the nurse put massaging things on my legs. They put an oxygen mask over my face, which I vaguely remember made me feel like I was suffocating, then I heard them tell me bye, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up in the recovery room. My tummy was very sore, and I was groggy, but they got me up fairly quickly, and sent me on my way.

Since I've been home, I haven't done much. I suppose I should be up and around more, but since I can't shower until Saturday, I kind of don't wanna go anyplace. I've been sipping water, and some juice. Today I had a little bit of a Medi-Trim too. Swallowing is getting better, and the pain from the gas hasn't been too bad. Hunger pangs are hurting my tummy from the inside...very weird feeling...but I've been able to take bigger sips today. I might try a little clear broth later. I'm hungry, but not super hungry. And of course, I'm terrified to eat. Hopefully, the terror will last a while. Ironically, although I've only had basically water since Tuesday, I got on the scale this morning expecting to see a big loss, but I've only lost a pound. I guess my body is in starvation mode. Oh well.

So that is the update for now. I honestly thought I'd bounce back from this more quickly than I have. I guess I'm getting old! I'm supposed to go for coffee tomorrow with the ladies, but I'm not sure I will. I don't want them to know (well, one of them does) and I think I'm walking pretty stooped over because the stitches are pulling. For an undertaker, I'm surprisingly queasy when it comes to holes in my own body. The incision where the port goes is a lot bigger than I thought it would have been! I don't like thinking about them...creeps me out! lol!

And that's my story!

The Big Day!

Well...in about 20 minutes we'll be heading out. I've gone through my checklist, and other than not being able to find any slippers (I know I have some, but they have disappeared, of course...oh well...I'm not a slippers girl anyway), I'm good.

I'm freaking out a little bit. You know, mentally planning my funeral and stuff. Yeah, morbid, but I'm an undertaker...it's what we do!

So...here I go...on to the start of something new...

Tomorrow!!

Wow. I can't believe I've essentially made it to the finish line! 2 more shakes to go and I'm there! Well...to the stabbing, bleeding part, anyway. I realize...VIVIDLY...that this is only the beginning of a very long road. But I think I'm ready. I really, honestly think I can do this! And not only that, I think I'm excited about doing it. Just taking CARE of myself. And doing something really really good for myself. Feels a little selfish, but still pretty awesome.

I slept fine last night, but I don't expect the same tonight. I'm actually now really starting to get butterflies about the surgery and recovery part. I took a look at my stomach this morning. Appreciated it for how non-scarred it is. Well, aside from the stretch marks, but I don't mind those because my little puddins gave me those. I think I'll take a before picture of it, so I can remember it as it was. My big, giant belly, sans stab wounds. lol!

I need a name for my band. Since it's going to be with me for a long time, I figure I should give her a name - and yeah, she's a girl. I'm considering Mona, but I'm open to suggestions.