Two NSVs In One Night!

Last night I went to a girlfriend's 40th birthday party. It was a blast...lots of friends there, people who haven't seen me in a while who were all "omg you look amazing!" which is always nice. There was a huge potluck buffet, and (this is NSV #1) I didn't touch one bite! Know why? (here comes NSV #2!) Because I was too busy dancing! I danced all night! I don't think I sat for 5 minutes the whole night! I just danced and danced! OH! Maybe there's another NSV here too! I saw the pictures posted on FB, and although I don't love all of them (who ever does, right?), there's not one where I looked at my body...at my SIZE...and felt bad! All of them, even where I was dancing or obviously talking animatedly, I thought I looked fairly normal sized! In JEANS, no less! Do I have a muffin top? Absolutely! Do I care? Not really! Wooo!

All in all, a good night!

I Accept Your Mission, Linda!

My lovely kitten Linda has offered up a challenge, and since I love myself excessively, I have chosen to accept and whittle my list of things I love about myself down to just 5. I suggest you do the same! It's fun!

1. I love how social I am! Flirting is the thing I might be best at in the whole world! I love it so much I wish I could eat it (ha! That sounds kinda dirty!)

2. I love my sense of humour! (it would have been cool to write something hilarious here, but I couldn't think of anything...so here...let me wink at you and have I told you today how sexy you are? ;)

3. I love how I parent! My kids are polite, fun, funny, you can say anything to them, and they are well behaved. I'm super proud of the men they're turning out to be, and I take full credit (small props to the baby daddy, but mostly ima take the credit).

4. I love my massive Messiah complex! I think that so much of the world needs saving, and if I can be the one who helps someone out, I frickin live for that shiz. Seriously!

5. I want to say I love my eyes, but in the end, I've gotta go with boobs. My cleavage should win awards! I want to motorboat my OWN self! Yeah baby!

Ok...now YOU go! I triple dog dare ya!

A Quick Thought About "Restriction"

I am well trained by my clinic. We don't use the word "restriction". If you say that word, you get a lecture on how you shouldn't feel restriction...how if the band is working as it's designed to work, you almost shouldn't know it's there, except that your hunger is controlled. And you know what? For the most part, I 100% agree with them, and here's why:

For the past I don't know how many months, I've thought my band was working fine. I wasn't hungry most of the time, and that's what it's supposed to be like, right? Not that I was measuring my one cup portions. Not that I was keeping track. I was just wandering into the kitchen and taking a bite of this and a bite of that, and finishing the little bit left on my kid's plates...and thinking "what am I doing wrong? Why am I not losing weight?" It's hard to be hungry when you're grazing all day long, right?

So...I started measuring and tracking (aka: following the stupid RULES). And guess what? I'm hungry. Not all the time...but more than every 4 hours. And so I've scheduled a fill, but I'm kicking myself, because if I'd been paying attention and doing what I was supposed to be doing, I could have been losing this whole time, instead of being basically plateauing for a year (although I can hardly call it a plateau, since I was clearly fucking it all up, and I guess I should thank my lucky stars that the plateau wasn't a gain!)

Anyway. THAT'S the revelation I had today. Oh, and by the way? I am kicking ass at weight loss in a way that I haven't since the early days of my band. I'm an idiot, but I'm finally getting it again. This IS going to happen...oh yeah it is.

(PS: my mother told me that she had to look twice at me in the drugstore the other day, because she wasn't sure it was me because my ass was so small. That's kind of huge. Not my ass. The compliment. You get it...)

(PPS: tonight I start rehearsals on my new play ["Looking" by Norm Foster]! It's hilarious, and I have to be on stage in workout clothes AND I have to make out with a dude whilst ripping our clothes off. So yeah...fear is motivating. Wish me leg breaking!)

Further On The Kale Odyssey

Thanks to those of you who gave me some kale input! I am obsessed! I can think of little else! And to that end, I went out today to replenish my kale supplies...and made THIS for dinner (for myself...the rest of the mob got pancakes):

THIS is what happens when you spread it out on a baking sheet, and shpritz it with olive oil (as suggested to me by Erin...thank you Erin!) and cook it with a 2 oz piece of salmon. Crispy and melt in your mouth and, again, LIFE ALTERINGLY delicious! The salmon also didn't suck, but obviously, kale is the star of the show.

Obsessing about kale is so much better than obsessing about Oreos!

Sweet Baby Kale!

I was sitting down to write this...and before I did, I popped over to Read's blog and read pretty much exactly what I was gonna write, with a few small differences...so here is my version:

Yesterday I popped into Whole Foods to see if I could find the ever elusive can of fire roasted tomatoes with which to make Linda's amazing tortilla soup (I made it with regular canned tomatoes, and it was yummy, but I'm betting Glen Muir and Ro*Tel could kick it up several notches). I didn't find the tomatoes (bloody Canada...pfft) but I DID find fresh kale. I've never actually eaten kale...although I'm aware that it's like the SUPEREST of superfoods...so I bought some. I sauteed it with some chopped garlic in olive oil...simple as that...and IT WAS LIFE ALTERING!!!! It was the most delicious veggie EVER!! And I also notice you can deep fry it and it comes out like chips! Unreal! Ok...basically I just told you how to take a really healthy food and turn it into an unhealthy food...but come on! KALE! I highly recommend you try some!

As for booze...well...this week I did the cutting-back-on-the-wine thing. Which meant only drinking on the weekend, like normal people. And guess what? I lost weight. Even though I ate over my calories on several days, I was still down. So...what do we learn from this? Booze is bad? NEVER! You shut yo' mouth! But I did learn that it's really not that big a sacrifice to not have a glass of wine every night...and I was rewarded with downward scale movement! That's a good reward! Totally worth it!

The Reason I Never Became A Teacher

I am not a patient person. *sigh*

I'm having a crap day. It didn't start out that way; it started out great! I went for a walk, it was sunny and warm-ish, and it was relaxing...but from there, it's been all downhill.

Last night, while I was out, my husband decided it would be a good idea to punish my 5 year old for having a messy room and for not practicing his piano. His punishment was losing his video game privileges, AND television privileges. Since there's a TV in the living room, which is the central location of the house, this means that I can't watch TV either. That makes hubby the number one person I'd like to kill today.

Number 2 on the list would be my 5 year old. Not because he did anything bad, or un-five-year-old-like, but because I have no patience and I am the worst mother ever. I don't know how to play the piano (I always wanted to take lessons when I was a kid and my mother never let me, which actually makes HER the worst mother ever, but I digress), but I have to help the 5 year old with his lessons. So I downloaded a fun app that would help me know what the hell I'm doing, and would also make learning FUN! Right? Nope.

Because I have no patience, I'm trying to play this game with him, watching him make the same mistakes over and over, and correcting him over and over, and counting up and down from the F line and the G line over and over and over and over...and in my head I am SCREAMING and wishing I'd never had children. I'm sure my impatience is coming through in my voice, which is probably scarring him for life, and in a few years, when he shoots up a McDonalds, the note he leaves will have some reference to how he thought he was a good person until he tried to learn musical notes with his horrifying bitch of a mother. Arg.

So now...I think I will just go cry.

BYOC - since I am feeling particularly crazy today

It’s Friday and that means it’s time for BYOC! Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer 5 questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy to your own blog if you wish and ENJOY!


1. Name a Valentine gift you would NOT want to receive.

I don't want to receive any Valentines gift. I wish the stupid day would go away. All it does is make people in a relationship feel pressured, and people who are on their own feel like shit. Of the .1% of people in new relationships who get boned up about this stupidity, most of them will fuck up anyway, leaving their partner feeling like 'omg he/she doesn't know me at ALL' or 'oh no...he/she HATES what I got him/her! I hate myself!!' SO not fun. Let's just all pretend that Vday is St Patrick's day. K?

2. What’s your vacation personality? Do you act/eat/talk/do things differently or completely opposite from when you are not on vacation?

I'm just drunk more, I think. Which is saying something, frankly...

3. Describe yourself in 5 POSITIVE words.

Funny

Smart

Caring

Attentive

Scrumtralescent

4. Do you have any phobias or irrational fears or dislikes?

I really, passionately dislike eggs. I want to love them, but I can't. I also have a great aversion to fingernail or toenail injuries or even stories. Oh...and there's a scene in Pet Semetery where the old dude gets his Achilles tendon cut? I can't watch it. AT ALL! *shudder*

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

I'm seriously trying to keep track of every evil bite of food that I cram into my cram hole. Seems to be working...I'm down 4 lbs since I started 2 weeks or so ago, AND I've started working out (in my way). I'm super grateful for the support of my girls...my little bloggy friends who love me even when I'm all miserable and sad and bitchy and whatever I can be. You bitches are rocks! And also? Bitches! And I loves me some bitches!

I'm Getting Botox

Yeah I am. I have these lines...11's they're called, for those 'in the know'. Which I was not, until I started looking into Botox and now I'm kinda sorta in the know, inasmuch as it pertains to me.

I've had Botox before. When I was in my early thirties and when I was making tons of money and only had one kid. And it was nearly $500 for my 11's, so that was rather sobering (I kinda got it on a whim one day when I was at this posh day spa where I was having laser hair removal done, which was a total waste of money don't even get me started) and at they end when they told me how much it actually WAS (I'd already had it done) I outwardly calmly handed her my debit card but inwardly passed out dramatically. Long story still long, I never had it again.

BUT...I freakin' LOVED it!!!! I 'From-Here-To-Eternity-smootching-on-the-beach' loved it! So yesterday a Groupon landed in my inbox for 20 units for $89. How could I pass it up? Am I made of STEEL??? I am not. I'm made of fat and wrinkles, so I took it! I will let you know how it goes!

On another note...I'm afraid I might be fighting with my BFF because of some drunken stupidity that I really don't even remember, but I'm too a'skart to ask her if we are because if she says yes we ARE fighting and she hates me now, I will be devastated. The super smart and always awesome Jenny said to message her. I'm gonna. But in case she's reading this, I want to tell her that I love her, and ask her...how many other people would have kept your borrowed copy of 'Superfudge' in practically pristine condition for 30 years and then wrap it up like an x-mas present and return it? How many? None, that's how many! So...there that is. And also I love you.