So...Today...

...I went over to the Old Navy. Because as it happens, I've found myself a little part time job, and I need some clothes for the 6 weeks of training. Yeah yeah, you read that right...I am, in theory, gainfully employed...and NOT in the funeral industry! After all these years, I'm finally going to be putting my BA in Communications to some use. I'm working in the Central Ambulance Communication Centre. Part time. Will give more details as they become available. But back to the trip to Old Navy!

I'm going to need some "business casual" clothing for the next few weeks. Well all my work clothes are A) super fancy, B) black, and C) WAYYYYY too big for me. So, thanks to a few of you sisters (Joey and Jen, I'm looking at you!) I have a thing or 2 that will suffice, but I needed a few more items, so off I went. I'm sure that there's one or two of you who have been in the position of desperately NEEDING some rather specific item of clothing in a specifically short amount of time. What always (ALWAYS) happens? You go out to the mall, you hit the few stores available to the fatties, you find nothing, and you go home all sweaty, stressed out and disappointed, right?

NOT TODAY!!!!

Today, THIS fatty found not one...not two, but THREE skirts at the Old Navy! And one of them was a size (are you sitting down??) 16!!!! Ok, it was a little poofy, and ok, the size 18 in a different style skirt also fit, and it was a little tight...but STILL! Can I get a what what?? Oh and might I also mention they were all in the clearance section and I didn't pay more than $5 for any of them? Sweet baby Jeebus!

So then, because I felt that I MUST (and also because my mother needed to hit the new Bath and Body Works that just opened in the local mall but we couldn't find it so we had to wander the whole entire mall - it was literally the last thing we found...but I digress...) I went into the fat lady store. And want to know what I found there? A whole lot of tops that would have been A) WAY too big, and B) made me look like I was pregnant. Oh, and also, they were all like $50. So what I'm saying here is that, had I still been a 4X or a 5X, not only would I have found a bunch of crappy, ugly shit, I'd have paid WAY too much for it. Yeah...walking out of the fat lady store with nothing in my hand...it was niiiiice. I might have had a little skip in my step. I might...MIGHT...have even sashayed a little. Maybe. :P

And that...THAT...is my story :)

For Barbara

My heart is broken for you. When I met you in Chicago, although I knew that you and Mark were battling his cancer together, your amazing positive spirit and your brilliant smile were all I saw. Your bravery is inspirational! I hope you find comfort in the huge outpouring of love I'm seeing for you in blogland.

I've heard this poem many times over the years, and it always comforts me. I hope that you find some too.

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep
by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Dear Everybody:

My question to you guys is this: How do I get out of the habit of, every time I walk into the kitchen, popping something into my mouth? It's ridiculous! Every single time I walk into the kitchen...or through it...or near it...it's like I'm programmed to hunt for food and eat it. Even if it's just one rice cracker. Why?? Help!

Yummy, A Little Spicy, And Band Friendly

Yesterday, I made a couple of new veggie Indian recipies...and they were yummy! One of them was particularly band friendly, so I thought I'd share it, because it was also really yummy and super filling! I had to go to the Asian supermarket to find the chick pea flour, but it's so worth it, because it makes these really crispy, and also bumps up the protien.

Sweet Potato Cakes

2 cups of cooked sweet potato (it said to peel, but I didn't because there's so much nutrition in the skin, but I did chop it up before I cooked it)
1/2 cup chick pea flour
1 tablespoon garam masala
1 tablespoon finely chopped ginger
1/4 cup chopped cilantro (I'm a fan of cilantro, and next time I'm going to put more in)
a pinch of salt and pepper
pinch dried chili flakes (optional-I didn't put any in because the kids were eating them, but next time, for me, I'm putting lots in!)
2 tablespoons plain yogurt
2 tablespoons grapeseed oil for frying in (you can heat grapeseed oil to a higher heat than other oils, which gives these a nice crispy crust)

Directions
1.Mash the sweet potatoes in a bowl and then add chickpea flour, garam masala, ginger, cilantro, salt and pepper and yogurt. Mix well until a thick dough forms.

2.Heat oil in a large non-stick skillet over medium-high heat, form dough into small patties and fry them a few at a time so they have plenty of room in the pan, working in batches. Cook for about 2 to 3 minutes on each side, until they are golden and crispy and cooked through. Remove to a rack to cool slightly and then serve with mango chutney. I used a store bought one.

I had lots leftover, and I've been snacking on them today - they are tastier the next day, but not crispy anymore. I have a feeling I'm going to be making these a LOT!

Um...what???

I saw this on one of my friends' FB pages...and it just made me go "whaaaaa???" I don't know if this is for real or what...but somehow I bet it is.

Sadly, it's probably the only benefit that exists for those of us who weigh more than 350lbs. Oh the irony!

Surreal and confusing...and so I share.

My "big girl" fill does not seem to have kicked in yet. Grrr. Although, that said, I'm not hungry at this moment, and I'm sitting here drinking green tea while the hubs is out tobogganing with the boys. I would have gone, but I don't have any snow pants. And yes...snow pants ARE on the list of things that I'd probably be able to squeeze my ass into now...I just haven't been proactive. Also, I prefer inside. And let's not forget how lazy I am :)

How I Spent My "GillyisaHotBitchAversary"

Cleaning. Up. Barf.

Yeah.

At about 3:15 pm, my adorable 4 year old son is sitting playing a wii game. He stands up, covers his mouth with the hand that has the wii remote in it, turns around, and projectile vomits all over the sofa and the floor. Before I have a second to even register what I've just seen, he turns 45 degrees and does it AGAIN! By now I'm off the couch, and rushing over to him just in time for him to turn another 45 degrees and do it again. Clearly the child has learned much from all the repeated viewings of "The Exorcist". By now, I'm desperately trying to get him to the bathroom, and he's freaking out on me because he doesn't want to go (of course not? Why puke in the toilet when the living room rug is so much nicer?) I clean up what I can, and my mother brings me her carpet cleaner (can I get a what what for moms? Except for Read's MIL because, evidently, she sucks) and I steam clean. About 3 seconds after I finish this, my older son calls up to me, because apparently it's the same scene all over again in the basement. Arg.

Not exactly how I'd hoped to spend my celebratory day (hubs brought me a peanut butter and chocolate pie when he came home. Yeah yeah I know...shush) but thankfully, little Regan's head has stopped spinning around, and he's fine now. I kept him home from school for good measure, but it seems to have been a 2-room-puke phenomenon. Good times.

HOWEVER...I needed to share how amazing my BFF is! I'm sure you'll recall me mentioning that she's the most supportive person in the whole world, and has been the BEST cheerleader for me this year, and tireless listener about all things weight loss related (and treasured blog reader)! I could absolutely NOT have done this without her, and she sent me THESE!!!

I adore her beyond words! I wish everyone had a friend like her!

Last item up for bids: got a fill today. And the nurse was the same nurse who did my surgery! I get the feeling that January isn't a super busy time for surgeries. Anyway, she was great and gave me .3 of a cc, which is .2 more than they normally give! So we shall see if this helps kick start me again!

Skinny vibes accepted and appreciated :)

Whoops...sorry...THIS is the last thing (but SO not the least thing!!) Thank ALL you guys who commented on the vlog, and ALLLLL of you who have been my support system this year. I don't know where I'd be without you, but I KNOW I wouldn't be 112 lbs down! All my love and appreciation for being there for me and listening to/reading all my crazy/bitchy/grouchy/winey/whiney/frenetic/bitchy!

Gilly out!

One Year Vlog!

This is me, people. I'll probably write something about this year too...so start getting excited now! lol!

Biggest Loser My Ample Ass

So I'm sitting here watching The Biggest Loser. I started watching it last year around this time, having never watched it before, and I got all involved in it, and it motivated me, and I found all the people delightful and heartwarming (yeah I'll admit it...I had a crush on Daris...there...I said it. Shut up.) Is it me, or is this show getting unwatchably stupid?

You know, as much love as I have for the fatties, I have no desire to watch them roll around on air mattresses, or pretend to be soooooo tempted by a donut that someone has stepped on even though they know there are like 6 cameras on them. You can practically hear the producers telling the dude "come on...pretend like you're going to eat one! Pretend you're so tempted you'd pick it up off the ground and secretly eat it! Then pretend that you've beaten temptation! DO IT...that's good TV!!" I mean come on! You're making us ALL look bad, a-holes! And honestly, if I never see one more tearful, heartfelt, father/daughter moment, or one more fatty with tears rolling down their chubby cheeks talking about how they're "finally doing something for ME!!", well...faaaaack!

This show is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. And not a "I ate a donut that 14 fat people just stepped on" kind of bad taste. And don't even get me STARTED on product placement! Because really? Am I that stupid? Am I?? I don't know who Jenny-O is, or why her turkey is so special; I know I can't get it in Canada, but if I could, I wouldn't buy it ON PRINCIPLE because they shove it down my throat (so to speak) so often on this show.

The only thing that's good about this dumb show is the TV Without Pity reviews of them (which I would secretly LOVE to write because I would gleefully FRY their asses weekly!) Oh, I also enjoy watching the past winners come back and getting to see that they *gasp* re-gained all the weight. Because THAT shows me that I absolutely made the right decision, and you can SUCK IT, Bob and Jillian! SUCK. IT! Oh and one more thing: watching a fat person fall off a treadmill is NEVER not funny to me. Never. Sorry...that is comedy GOLD!

Phew...I feel a little better now.

Pro. . .cra. . .sti. . .na. . .tion. . .

My tree (et al.) should have been taken down last weekend. But I'm lazy and I didn't. And then I also didn't during the week. And so now it's THIS weekend, and the tree is still there...staring at me...daring me to take it down. So I'm going to. After I do some laundry. And clean my bathrooms. And watch some shows I PVR'd. And blog. But what to blog about?

I tend to try to say away from what I consider "negative" blog posts. Which doesn't mean that I run from blogs when I'm struggling...I just don't necessarily blog about it. Because I don't want to bring anyone down. But right now, I'm struggling a bit. Not gaining...just not losing...and I'm worrying that I've lost momentum.

And sooo...this week, I think I might go back to journaling my food, like I did in the beginning. I've also got a fill scheduled for the 13th. I SO didn't want to be the girl who schedules a fill after the holidays, but I know I need one. My life is much more ruled by food than it usually is. I'm generally NOT eating more than I should...but I totally know I could. And I'm actively seeking out people who I know will enable my eating of crap, and that is NOT cool. And so, I broke down and scheduled the fill. I haven't had one since October, so I feel like it's not outrageous...I'm just worried they're going to give me a hard time because of the timing. Bah. I'm also considering joining a gym again. But I HATE HATE HATE spending money on gym memberships, because I hate that nagging guilt I feel when I make excuses to myself about why I can't go. You know the excuses...you don't "feel well" or you have something to do that you know could totally wait, but you HAVE to do it right when zumba class is scheduled. Yeah. I hate lying to myself. I can so see right through me.

Ok, SO! This week I will:

*Stick to protein and veggies.
*Exercise to make myself SWEAT at least 3x (Jillian, you bitch...here I come)
*Measure my food
*NOT graze
*No wine on weekdays (do you hear that sound? It's my heart breaking)

Also, the 12th is the one year mark of my surgery. I SO wanted to be at 120 down so I could be like Amy W...but I'm 99.99999999% sure it's not going to happen. I was almost there, but *BOUNCE* and I'm not anymore. But I WILL get there, and it'll be soon. And then 130 down...and so on and so on and so on...