My First Day

Did you ever start a job and feel totally overwhelmed at the end of your first day? Totally, right? Like every person ever, right? Today was my first day back in funeral service after SIX years of being just a mum (well...like 2 years of being just a mum...4 years of being just a couch potato. Thank you band!). And yep...I feel overwhelmed! BUT...I also feel like I'm going to love it there. The atmosphere is very warm, and very easy going, and although right now I feel like I'm just in the way, in a few days, I know...I'm going to own it. Everyone was very welcoming, and I think I probably made the right decision in taking this job. Time will tell. I feel like once I learn the computer stuff, it's all really just me sitting down with a family, having a relationship with them, and helping them the best I can. That stuff I can totally do. Best part? At the end of the day, I don't feel physically exhausted. I know I can do the physical stuff. I know I can lift and carry and stand and run if I need to! And THAT is a great feeling! Today was a good day.

My Own Crazy Has Been BROUGHT!!

Hey look!  I'm out of stuff to talk about, and Drazil has saved the day with BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer five little questions to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy to your own blog and enjoy!!

1. What religion were you raised as a child, if any, and are you still a member of that faith today? Why or why not?

I wasn't raised with any religion, and I'm totally good with that. I try not to talk religion, because I have a tendency to offend people of faith. I'm a woman of science. I believe in dinosaurs and evolution and that we're alone here and nothing comes after, and I'm ok with that.  I try to live my life treating others as I'd like to be treated, realizing that I share this planet with others and acting accordingly, and trying not to say anything behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to their face.  Notice I said "try". Doesn't always work out, but my intentions are good (also...you'd be amazed what I'm willing to say to someone's face...)

2. Do you have an all time favorite candy or do you change favorites often?

My love affair with Twix chocolate bars has gone on since childhood, but if I'm faced with a Twix and a Skor bar, it's no contest. I eat both. However, if we're talking actual CANDY candy, then it's Swedish Berries hands down (please tell me you Americans know what those are! If you don't, I know what I'm bringing to BOOBs!)
3. Are you a green thumb? Do you landscape your yard or plant any flowers or a garden? Do you pay someone to do it for you? Do you not plant a single thing?

My family is full of gifted and talented gardeners, full of knowledge of technical plant names, but I'm sad to say that the green thumb missed me by a mile. It breaks my poor mother's heart every single year. I DO plant flowers in containers, although I dread doing it, and I put if off, and usually several of the pots die of thirst by about halfway through the summer.  If I believed in hell (see above) I'd say that one of the reasons I'm going there is because of the many atrocities I've perpetrated upon defenseless plants.

This year I do have a small veggie garden, and an herb garden. Go figure...stuff you can eat.  Shocking.

4. Let’s just say you were a tattoo junkie and you were planning your next tat and it had to be words only. What words would you choose? A quote? Phrase? One word? Would you do it in English or a different language?

One of the first things I'm doing with my new salary is start a tattoo fund.  I want a Gothic fence around my left upper arm from elbow to shoulder. I also want the words "and now...let the wild rumpus start!" (from Where The Wild Things Are - my favourite childhood storybook - it's my life philosophy!) tattooed somewhere on me, although I haven't decided placement of that one yet.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week.

This is my last week as a SAHM. Part of me is really excited! Part of me is terrified.  Part of me is proud that I got the job even though I haven't worked in 6 years. But mostly, I'm delighted that I'm the person I am now, who has the physical stamina and ability to work in a very physically demanding job. Thank you, Lap Band!!!!

Can I Do A WTF Sunday??

Seriously...WTF?  As I may have mentioned, I've been in a play for the past 3 weeks.  And during that time (and for much of the time while I was rehearsing), my eating hasn't been the best.  Lots of time spent in pubs, drinking draft and eating pub food. Lots of going out for dinner, too. I feel fat.  I feel like I've gained weight. In fact, my mother (thanks mum!) told me I look like I've gained weight.  So today I got on the scale, because I wanted to see the damage. I needed to know what I'm dealing with here.  What did I see? New low!  WTF????

So, this effects me in the following ways: it pisses me off, because when I'm so super good, and tracking, and making good choices, it's SO hard to lose these days...and when everything in the world says I should be 10lbs up, I'm not. The fat girl in me is all delighted, and wants to go out for Dim Sum.  The reasonable person in me is telling me to thank my lucky stars, buy a lottery ticket, and not be an idiot.  Because here's the deal:

On Wednesday, I accepted a full time job at a local funeral home (for those of you who don't know, I'm a funeral director). I'm super excited about going back to work for a bunch of reasons: first of all, this place is, I've been informed, on a health kick! One of the other directors is a girl I worked with years ago, and the first thing she said when she saw me was "oh my god, you've lost a LOT of weight!", and then she proceeded to tell me about their health initiative. No junk food in the building! Also, this is a job with a corporation, which means a deal on a health club membership! Another plus is that the funeral home sits on a cemetery, so if it's slow, I can sneak out for a walk! And most of all, I'm not at home, where I can wander through the kitchen 40 times a day and toss a cracker in my mouth!

The thing though, that's going to keep me most honest is my funeral suit. I went and got fitted for my suit on Friday. In the past, I've always had to have them custom made. This time, not!  Off the rack!  And the jacket, blouse and vest were in a 17/18!! Them's regular sizes, people! And I gotta say, they JUST fit.  I mean 5 extra pounds and I'm screwed.  So I HAVE to be good!  I HAVE to start losing again. I think with the mixture of the health initiative, the physicality of the job, and the fact that I won't have the time for mindless eating, it'll be good. I'm excited!  And I'm starting a tummy tuck fund!

WTF Wednesday? Why the f--- not??

Wanna know what the suckiest thing on the planet is? Ok well maybe it's not the suckiest...but it's way up there in Sucktown! It's when you're at Marshalls, and you're in the plus sizes, and you're sifting through all the 1x's and XLs, and everything is tent-ish and godawful...and then you flip to the next thing and it's SOOO cute, and you're like "finally! The perfect thing!!" and then you look and notice that someone shoved a size 4 into the fat rack. WTF, right?????

That said, I did buy a few cute things. I'm already shopping in preparation for Chicago, if you can believe it! I bought a dress in a size 16 (that I'm not even sure if I love, but it was a size 16 so I just had to!) and a couple of tops. I hope that I have not ballooned by September and can show y'all my cute stuff. Not that I'm planning on ballooning...but I've had a couple of rough, Hoover-like days, so I was feeling a little down. Hopefully, fitting into the size 16 was skinny-ass affirming enough to let me break the cycle.

Aaannnnddd...last thing...in case you missed it, the review is in for my show; here's the link, if you are so inclined: http://www.theifp.ca/whats-on/review-glts-looking-is-a-fun-play/

It's Opening Night!

My play opens tonight! I'm kind of freaking out. Dress rehearsal went ok...except having people actually laugh at stuff made me completely forget every word I've ever learned in the English language ever.

I need all the help I can get, ladies and germs...wish me to break things!

Riddle me this...

Can someone please tell me why I don't love exercise the way I love, say, Doritos or Pad Thai? Or really awesome, crusty bread with yummy, melty French cheese? Or red wine?? Ok...I'll stop now, but just so you know, I could literally go on for paragraphs (oh!! Hot wings...can't leave out hot wings!)

I know I feel great after exercising. I know it's good for me! I know it will make me stronger and increase my endurance for the fun stuff...if you know what I'm sayin' and I think that you do *wink*. There have even been times in my life where I've actually been...dare I say it...addicted to exercise! (gasp!!) So why is THAT addiction so easy to overcome?? Huh? I mean seriously...if reality TV ever needs the Dr. Drew of how to overcome your addiction to exercise, I'm so their girl! I will cure EVERYBODY! There will be tears, and relaxation, and naps, and couching, internet surfing and catching up on every TV show anybody ever said something positive about EVER! I could be the Jillian Michaels of teaching everybody to be a lazy butthole, making people cry and throw up delicious snacks to make room for more delicious snacks. I would be super famous!

Stupid, effed up Universe.

Sweating My Ass Off In March???

And not in the 'I'm working out so hard!' kinda way? What the hell is it with this heat...HEAT in MARCH??? And I live in Canada! Land of the igloo, etc. I know that come Wednesday, I'm going to be turning on the AC. In March. In CANADA. What?? Does this make anyone else feel like maybe the Mayans were right? Yikes!

Right now, I'm making a big pot of chicken tortilla soup in my slow cooker (which would have been nicer if the weather was actually March-like! Sheesh!). It seems to be my current pull-my-fat-ass-out-of-the-junk-food-tornado food. I can portion it out and eat it all week long. Sans tortillas, because those, although knee-bucklingly delicious, add like 200 calories to an otherwise healthy food (not to mention sodium!), and really...I don't need them. I do, however, top it with Monterey jack cheese - which is something fairly new up here - and hello! Melty, stretchy HEAVEN!! Why have you people been keeping it secret? Trying to keep it all for yourselves? Ah, who could blame you? That shit is crazy good!

Updating my life...well...I wrote about New York City...which was grand. I can't wait to go back, and when I win the lottery, I'm getting an adorable place in Greenwich Village, and spend endless days wandering the city and hanging in Manhattan, cursing the tourists. It's gonna be sweet!

Other than that, I'm pretty wrapped up in rehearsals for my play. It's really coming together, and I think it's going to be great! My worries about making out with a strange boy on stage were for nothing...he's awesome, and although I'm still a giggling idiot when I have to do it in front of everyone, it's all coming together! I'm so so glad that I got back into theatre! I had no idea how much I'd missed it! I'm very grateful that I got it back!

Hey! Here's an idea! I think everybody should post their go-to 'getting back on the wagon' food! When you know you've been being bad, what is your food that you make to get you back into healthy eating? I wanna know!! Comment, or, even better, blog about it!