I'm So Full Of Crap...

...and Coffee Crisp...and Aero bars...and Kit Kat...and some awesome, orgasmic, chocolate covered, caramel filled cookies that were at my mum's house...and crusty bread with cheese...and a Starbucks pike place roast with lots of REAL cream in it.  What the hell, man!? And I can't even blame hormones, because I just finished...you know.  And I'm not particularly stressed.  I guess I'm just a fat girl. Which sucks.

Finally...FILL!!

Ok...now I'm serious! I got my fill at long last. Just .1 of a cc, but I am confident this is going to fix me right up. With BOOBs motivation, friend motivation, and challenge motivation, I am going to crack this plateau wide open!!! My goal this week is to eat slowly. 20 chews per bite, complete with counting (silently inside my head so people don't think I'm crazy(er)) Onward and downward, my loves!

So this week. . .

...I started getting excited about BOOBs. Maybe it's because deadlines are getting closer. Maybe it's because Jenny did a post (with pics!!!!) on the BOOBs blog (which I'd link you to but I'm on an iPad, and I'm too lazy to figure out how to do it). So my excitement brought a thought to my head, and that thought was: "oh crap, BOOBs is getting close...I need to start really working at losing"... Which seems to have made my body go into fat-girl-imminent-starvation mode, and basically I've been eating like someone's gonna take it away from me. I had to reschedule my fill, which could be part of it, but I'm going to say its a small part. Why do we sabotage ourselves? Arg! So I'm joining the BOOBs challenge, fill is scheduled, and today I bought a WagJag thingie for some green coffee bean supplements that Dr Oz has sworn to me will change my life and the fat will literally drop off me. Uh huh. We shall see...

Living In Fear

Since I've started this journey, I've learned a lot from all of you. And one of the main things I've learned is that I never want to be too tight! I've been really conservative with fills, and I have to be absolutely SURE I need one before I make an appointment...and then once I do, I obsess about it and worry that this one will make me too tight (even though my clinic is awesome and they totally listen to what you tell them and give teeny fills). Right now, I know I need one. I'm taking my one cup of food to work, and because I now have set eating times, I know for certain that I'm not getting anywhere near 4 hours before I'm hungry. Sometimes I'm as little as 2.5 hours before my tummy is growling. Also, I never get stuck, or even uncomfortable...so I'm pretty sure I'm safe from the dreaded 'too-tights'. And still...I worry. Tomorrow I'm doing some cooking ahead, so I'm good for the week. Lots of organic protein and veggies (I'm growing kale in my garden and it's ready!! Kale salad for me this week!) My fill is set for Tuesday, and it's going to set me up. I want to be down 20 lbs for the weddings I have in October. That's my plan! Wish me luck!

Oh Right! I Have A Blog!

I'm at work! That's a weird thing to type. I remember years ago, slow weekends, before I knew blogging was even a thing, where I'd write things down longhand (and then tear them up later), and I always started like that: I'm at work.

What's new? Well...the work thing, although I'm nearly a month into it already. I truly have to say that I'm loving it. My colleagues are really great, the dynamic seems to be fantastic, and I honestly look forward to going to work. I've been bringing my own food every day...no fast food runs...even when one of the FDAs (funeral director's assistants) asks me what I want and he'll go get it, I'm saying NO!  So with all my awesome choices (chicken tortilla soup sans cheese or tortillas, spinach salads, chicken breasts with salsa,all one cup servings), and the physicality of my job, and the fact that when I'm home, I have so much less time to sit around, you'd think the weight would be falling off me, right?

Wrong.

It's times like this that frustrate me. I'm doing everything right (ok, I could be drinking less wine, but I've totally upped my intake of water and green tea, so that balances it out, right??) and the scale doesn't move.  Bright side: the scale isn't moving UP. But if I'm doing this much awesome just to maintain? Ugh...that sucks.

I need to add some exercise to this mix. But when? Between kid activities, and my own activities, and work...when do I have time to throw weights and cardio into the mix?  But it's on my mind. A lot!

What do you other working moms do??

My First Day

Did you ever start a job and feel totally overwhelmed at the end of your first day? Totally, right? Like every person ever, right? Today was my first day back in funeral service after SIX years of being just a mum (well...like 2 years of being just a mum...4 years of being just a couch potato. Thank you band!). And yep...I feel overwhelmed! BUT...I also feel like I'm going to love it there. The atmosphere is very warm, and very easy going, and although right now I feel like I'm just in the way, in a few days, I know...I'm going to own it. Everyone was very welcoming, and I think I probably made the right decision in taking this job. Time will tell. I feel like once I learn the computer stuff, it's all really just me sitting down with a family, having a relationship with them, and helping them the best I can. That stuff I can totally do. Best part? At the end of the day, I don't feel physically exhausted. I know I can do the physical stuff. I know I can lift and carry and stand and run if I need to! And THAT is a great feeling! Today was a good day.

My Own Crazy Has Been BROUGHT!!

Hey look!  I'm out of stuff to talk about, and Drazil has saved the day with BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer five little questions to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy to your own blog and enjoy!!

1. What religion were you raised as a child, if any, and are you still a member of that faith today? Why or why not?

I wasn't raised with any religion, and I'm totally good with that. I try not to talk religion, because I have a tendency to offend people of faith. I'm a woman of science. I believe in dinosaurs and evolution and that we're alone here and nothing comes after, and I'm ok with that.  I try to live my life treating others as I'd like to be treated, realizing that I share this planet with others and acting accordingly, and trying not to say anything behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to their face.  Notice I said "try". Doesn't always work out, but my intentions are good (also...you'd be amazed what I'm willing to say to someone's face...)

2. Do you have an all time favorite candy or do you change favorites often?

My love affair with Twix chocolate bars has gone on since childhood, but if I'm faced with a Twix and a Skor bar, it's no contest. I eat both. However, if we're talking actual CANDY candy, then it's Swedish Berries hands down (please tell me you Americans know what those are! If you don't, I know what I'm bringing to BOOBs!)
3. Are you a green thumb? Do you landscape your yard or plant any flowers or a garden? Do you pay someone to do it for you? Do you not plant a single thing?

My family is full of gifted and talented gardeners, full of knowledge of technical plant names, but I'm sad to say that the green thumb missed me by a mile. It breaks my poor mother's heart every single year. I DO plant flowers in containers, although I dread doing it, and I put if off, and usually several of the pots die of thirst by about halfway through the summer.  If I believed in hell (see above) I'd say that one of the reasons I'm going there is because of the many atrocities I've perpetrated upon defenseless plants.

This year I do have a small veggie garden, and an herb garden. Go figure...stuff you can eat.  Shocking.

4. Let’s just say you were a tattoo junkie and you were planning your next tat and it had to be words only. What words would you choose? A quote? Phrase? One word? Would you do it in English or a different language?

One of the first things I'm doing with my new salary is start a tattoo fund.  I want a Gothic fence around my left upper arm from elbow to shoulder. I also want the words "and now...let the wild rumpus start!" (from Where The Wild Things Are - my favourite childhood storybook - it's my life philosophy!) tattooed somewhere on me, although I haven't decided placement of that one yet.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week.

This is my last week as a SAHM. Part of me is really excited! Part of me is terrified.  Part of me is proud that I got the job even though I haven't worked in 6 years. But mostly, I'm delighted that I'm the person I am now, who has the physical stamina and ability to work in a very physically demanding job. Thank you, Lap Band!!!!