4 Days To Go!

This morning, something awesome happened! I started to go downstairs to weigh myself, and I stopped and decided to try the scale upstairs instead, which, last week at this time, I was too heavy for. So I got on and waited. And it weighs me now!!! With pounds to spare! Yay!! That was a pretty good surprise...and it's been my happy thought all day!

Last night, my 9 year old came to me and tearfully asked me not to have the surgery. He told me he was scared. I tried to explain how it's really nothing...no big deal, and how I'll go and be back while he's in school and he won't even know I was gone, but he still just stood there with tears streaming down his face. It made me realize that what I do really has an effect on my kids, even though sometimes I think they don't even know I'm here other than they'd wonder where dinner is if I wasn't cooking it. I told him that it would help me lose weight so I could do more fun stuff with him, like run a 5k, and go on the rides at Wonderland. That cheered him up a little, but he told me he likes me just as I am, which made me cry and love him even more. Sometimes kids are nice.

5 Days To Go!

Am I really getting this excited about someone stabbing me with sharp objects and altering my physiology for life? Really? It must be the starvation talking!

So I'm finding that, since the dark cloud has lifted, I'm a total chucklehead these days! I'm not used to being in this good a mood. I hope it lasts.

What I need to do is to get off the lap band support groups. They are incredibly helpful, and full of wonderful, supportive people, but I find myself irresistibly drawn to the horror story threads. The band erosion stories, the people who have found, seemingly inexplicably, that the band does NOT curb their appetite and they've lost only 8lbs in a year...all of those threads...I go like moth to flame! I know in my head that these people are the exception by a long shot, and that it probably won't end up being me...but I still go through these little pockets of terror that even this...this incredibly expensive, total end-of-the-road solution...may not be a solution after all. That I'll disappoint everyone, especially myself. Mix that up with the fear of dying on the operating table and leaving my boys motherless, and my GOD it seems so unfair that I can't have a glass of wine right now!!

Aaaaaaanyhoo...other than that everything is going well. Oh, today I effed up and put 2 frozen strawberries in one of the vanilla Medi Trims. I thought that I had an email from the patient co-ordinator telling me it was alright to do that. However, I was mistaken...it was either raspberries or blackberries that would have been ok. Oops. I doubt that the 2 strawberries will throw my progress off or swell my liver or anything, but I felt really stupid about doing it. Not stupid enough to toss the shake (it was SOOO good with the strawberries in it! What a difference 2 strawberries make...you would not have believed it!) but stupid. I won't do it again.

And on I go, forward to day 4!

SO Much Better!!!

It's absolutely amazing to me how much better I feel today than I did a couple of days ago! I don't know if it's the sunshine, or the routine, or my body finally getting used to these shakes or what, but I feel like a totally different person than I did when I started out. I just made tuna fish for one kid, pb&j for the other...and didn't even want to lick my fingers! Last week at this time, I wanted to EAT my own fingers! Big change!

You know...now that I'm thinking about it, I can't believe what a serious addiction sugar is! I literally spent 4 days weeping. I can't stress enough what a mess I was...and now...I'm free of it! Holy crap! MUST REMEMBER THIS!!!!! Looking back, it wasn't hunger (well..it was hunger a little bit), it was addiction! Holy crap, I'm having an epiphany!!! I watch Intervention enough...I should have figured this out way before this! Stupid me. However...woohoo, because the monkey is OFF my back!! I am FREE!!

A Week From Now...

...I will be at the SWLC, waiting. Part of me is terrified and part of me is excited. I actually think much more of me is terrified though. It's funny; when I think that the surgery is in a week, it seems so close, but when I think of a week more of this diet, it seems like FOREVER. lol!

Today, my goal is to de-Christmasify my house - no small task. I am not dressed yet. I hate days when I'm not required to go out...those days see FAR too much of my jammies! Which of course is a guarantee that someone will come to my door today to try to sell me something.

I'm SO grateful for return to the routine though! I had no idea how deep a pit of depression I was allowing myself to sink into without it! What I would really love is to go back to work. I definitely miss the thrill of being important! Oh yeah, and the money...mmmmmm...money.

Oh also...I got on the scale this morning. I am down almost 10lbs from Dec 30th, which is 6 days ago. So that doesn't suck. Almost makes me not want to go off this liquid diet! Almost.

8 Days To Go

It's back to normal around here...everybody back to school and work...and let me tell you, the routine is just what I needed! I was really falling into a slump there the past few days, but I seem to be feeling better.

This morning, after nearly passing out after my shower (drama!), I had a shake and felt better...managed to get the boys off to school and preschool, and then went to the bank to have the bank draft done, which I will then take to the SWLC, and then...there is no turning back. Which is scary. Last night, I was seriously considering calling the whole thing off. Keep my non-refundable deposit, I just can't do it. But today I'm feeling a little more positive, so I'm going to hope I keep feeling that way.

Something nice: my girlfriend who I hadn't seen over the holidays told me that I look like I've lost weight. That's encouraging! Also, the steering wheel felt like it was a little farther away from my gunt this morning too...woohoo!

PS: I have posted my "before" pictures. Be nice!

10 Days To Go

Well...I'm down another 1.3 lbs this morning. So, clearly, this starving yourself liquid diet nonsense works. I'm not wild about this hit-by-a-train feeling I've been sporting, though...or the headaches. You know...I've starved myself many times over the years; in high school I went for 6 months eating nothing but a Carnation instant breakfast, a package of melba toast and 2 slices of process cheese every day. But none of that ever made me feel this crappy. Maybe it's that I'm getting old. I'm sure if I were 18...or even 28...I'd be feeling much boppier right now.

Shoe irony: Fluevog just emailed me...they're having a sale.

Happy 2010!!!!!

First post of the new year! I will attempt to be epic.

So last night I went to see a festival of lights type thingie at Downsview Park...it was rather underwhelming. Then we went across the street to Susie and Chris's for an impromptu gathering...I brought dip. Dip that I LOVE, and I didn't even have a bite. And when she offered me wine, I declined...which for me is VERY odd, and she looked shocked but didn't ask, because Susie's cool like that. Cathie, my other girlfriend at the party, knows what I'm doing right now, so it was all cool. I sat there with my glass of water, and we played Headbandz, and nobody bugged me about why I wasn't eating or boozing...what a relief!

My problem is...I can't seem to manage to get more than 2 of these shakes in me per day. It's not that it's so bad when I'm actually drinking them; it's more the psychological aspect of knowing I need to have one, and just feeling like "ugh...I can't do it!" The box is sitting on the table...and every time I pass it, it fills me with dread. I've had a coffee so far today...but not a shake.

I'm down 1.5 lbs today from yesterday. Wouldn't it be GREAT if I could lose a pound a day? lol! I took my "before" pictures yesterday. I haven't looked at them, but I'm sure they're stunning! I'm very much looking forward to the day where I can put them next to an "after" picture. Maybe by New Year next year....

Goals for the year:
*get through the surgery and recovery safely
*learn how to live with the band, using it as an ally in my life change
*run a 5K
*buy my first pair of Fluevogs
*fit into the rides at Wonderland

So far, that's about it. The 5k is really the big one, which I hope to do in October, but with my knee being all mashed up, may not be able to do until next spring. Either way, I WILL do it! The Fluevogs...well...I've just always wanted a pair but I'm pretty sure my feet are too fat for them...and the ones I want have an ankle strap thingie, sooo...

This post was so not epic...but the shoes...the SHOES are epic!