Jeans and Bones

Sadly, this post is not gonna be as dirty as the title sounds to me. But bear with me, because I'm all excited!

So the other day, I went over to one of the second hand stores that I like to get the kids' clothes from sometimes, and I took a wander over to the ladies jeans rack...where I saw a pair of size 18 jeans...that I decided to try on. They were $6.99, with no wear in the crotch (miracle, right??), but in spite of the size one the label, they looked impossibly small. I don't know why I even decided to try them on...but I did. AND THEY FIT!!! So I bought them and wore them today. Which, on its own is really not a big deal...except that this is the first time I've worn jeans in something close to 10 years! RIGHT???

Focus on the jeans, not the chins (bad angle or WHAT??)

Also. Bones. I can feel some now! And I wonder how long it's gonna be before I can feel one of my bones and not have the fleeting momentary terror that it's a tumor. Does anyone else do that?? Like I feel something and then panic, and frantically start touching the other side of me to see if things are the same on the other side and then...*phew* Am I alone in this crazy? Please say I'm not! But yes...bones! I have them! Collar bones even! Who would have ever suspected? Not me, that's for sure!

Jeans and bones. See?

A Little Late To The Party...

...but I wanted to share a few pictures of the fabulous weekend in New York! I had the BEST time! Absolutely worth quitting my job for. Oh right...did I tell you? I quit my job. Yeah yeah, I know, but it came down to the fact that my little jaunt to NYC was going to be a big problem for them, and I considered just skipping the trip...but really, I knew I was going to hate this job, so when I was told that I had to decide between the job and going on the trip, it was like a little door popped up with the word "ESCAPE" above it, flashing neon...and so I told them I was going on the trip and thanks for the opportunity. At the end of the day, I met some amazing new people, made a little money, and learned a couple of things. Even I can't complain about that! And then I went on to have just the BEST time with my girls!

My beautiful Central Park girls

Kristin and Joey were the most fun tour guides ever! I'm so lucky that my first time in NYC was with girls who are in the know! Dinners and drinks and shows and shopping. The Boobs lunch was such a blast, and over much too quickly! And towards the end, it was a little bit of a blur (damn you, delicious margaritas!!) I have decided that I am a guacamole and margarita whore. Seriously. It's a little like being in love...I can't stop thinking about them! I actually wish I'd taken a picture of the bowl of guacamole so I could caress it. Man...I have issues.

Linda and Joey xo

Joey being animated and captivating

Happy Birthday Nicole! If you look hard, you might be able to see one of the bowls that the guacamole came in!

Bonnie and Read

I don't know how I got this much sweetness into one picture, but there it is.

Jen and Nicole (Jen, Stoli Orange and Soda is going to be my summer drink!)

Last but certainly not least: my Carmie :)

The Thing That Happened At Old Navy

Ever notice that a lot of the things that happen to me happen at the Old Navy? Maybe I need to branch out a little? However, this is the thing that happened this time:

They had cute summer frocks on for $9, so I figured I'd buy a couple...and try on some jeans in an 18, because it's been a while since I tried them. Good news! I bought a pair! They give me a bit of a muffin top, and they're lower cut than any "mom jeans" I've ever worn...and frankly, I might not ever even wear them (I kind of hate pants) but they fit me and look decent and so...there that is. But that's not the thing that happened.

So I'm standing there, looking through shirts, and one of the other mum's from my sons's school comes up and says hello. It's been a while since I'd seen her, and she mentioned that I'd lost a lot of weight, and she asked me how I'd done it. So I told her my usual half-truth of eating less and moving more, to which she replied "well I had a band put in about a year ago, and it hasn't worked for me!" I was kind of floored.

So...I came clean, and told her that I had one too. And then we chatted a bit. She told me that she'd lost about 25lbs on the pre-surgery diet, and then that was it. And I realized that there, right there, was the thing I'd been the most terrified of when I had this surgery. That somehow, it wouldn't "work for me".

But you know what? This surgery didn't "work for me". It worked WITH me. It helped ME make it work. It has not been effortless. It's been a long road, and I'm still very much on it. Every time I see someone who notices my loss, or tells me I look great, it helps me and makes me happy, but I'm very aware that I have 60ish more lbs to lose until I hit goal. And then I have to have a tummy tuck. And then I have to maintain it. This is never going to be over. And I'm ok with that.

But back to my friend. I gave her my blog address, and I told her about you guys, and I'm hoping that she decides to have a read through blogland, and maybe find someone whose experience speaks to her and can help her on her journey. So, in case she's reading, maybe comment for her, and give her a little boost.

Oh and one last thing. I have put the wheels in motion to get a gym membership! If I did it right (it's a special, discounted membership through my work) it will start on April 1. I'm SO looking forward to getting moving again and getting stronger! And that's my story.

Look What The Cat Dragged In!

Hellooooo! Look at you! Have you lost weight?? You HAVE! I can tell!

Well good news...so have I! A little bit, anyway, and considering how stressful the past few weeks have been, and how much chocolate/candy/evil sinful food floats around the classroom every day (I have news for you: fatties are not the only ones who dive into the carbs when they're stressed! The skinnies do it too! I know...it was a shock to me as well!), I'm super surprised! I'll take it though. I am tentatively optimistic that it's not inconcievable that my plateau may possibly be close to being...you know what? I'm not gonna say it in case I jinx it, but I think you know where I'm going with this. The other day, one of my colleagues told me that since the beginning of training, I look like I've gotten smaller, and asked if I'm losing weight...so I took that as a good sign. :)

I tell you...I don't know how you people do it! This full time working thing, with studying and exams...it's HARD! Throw into the mix trying to eat properly, and not drink too much, and soon hopefully working out...*phew*! So for now, reading about all the Chicago planning is rather a bright light at the end of this loooooong tunnel! Can't wait to see you all again (and meet some of you for the first time!)

Cheers everybody!

You Think YOU'RE Stressed??

Well I'M SUPERMEGAULTRA stressed!!!!!!

So...I started ACO training. For those of you not in the know (and I'm pretty sure that's all of you), an ACO is an Ambulance Communications Officer. So, in Ontario, when you call 9-1-1, they ask you "Police, Fire or Ambulance?" And when you say "Ambulance", well ladies and gents...if you live in my area, then you might just hear me at the other end saying "Ambulance, what is your emergency?" And believe me when I tell you...saying those words, and everything that comes after, is SO VASTLY more complicated than you could EVER imagine!

Right now, I want you all to call your local ambulance communications people, and I want you to thank them for what they do! Except no don't because those people are BUSY! They have people's LIVES in their hands!

This week I began my training, which is pretty much 8 hours of school for 6 weeks. I made it through the first week...and I'm going to say I made it through with flying colours. We have to have above 70% on every assignment and exam (of which there is one or more daily) to be allowed to stay. And the benefit to staying is that they pay crazy well! My place is very secure right now, based on book marks, but man...that could change at any time! We did our first simulated calls this week...and although my instructor told me I did great, and that my voice was "lovely" on my calls...it's getting HARD! It's stressful when you know there's someone on the other end of that phone, counting on what you're doing and who you're sending!

Right now, I'm sitting here drinking wine and relaxing for the first time in 5 days. Tomorrow I'll be back to studying, but right now...whew...I need this!

That being said, I am having the time of my life! I'm meeting a bunch of fun new people, having a lot of laughs, and well...frankly...it's just nice to get out of the house! Also, being in class for 7 hours out of the day, and being in the car for an hour to and fro, well...it's REALLY helped to curb any grazing I might have been doing! I weighed in the other day and I was down 3lbs, AND I'm experiencing my menses (sorry...I just HATE the acronym TOM...*shudder) so that can't be bad, right??

Down side? I think stress has allowed me to catch a cold...but I have experienced NONE of this tightness you people speak of. Dammit! I could use some! I actually think I really need a fill, but not for at least 10 weeks (training until then...with a little NYC mixed in...you coming??)

So...Today...

...I went over to the Old Navy. Because as it happens, I've found myself a little part time job, and I need some clothes for the 6 weeks of training. Yeah yeah, you read that right...I am, in theory, gainfully employed...and NOT in the funeral industry! After all these years, I'm finally going to be putting my BA in Communications to some use. I'm working in the Central Ambulance Communication Centre. Part time. Will give more details as they become available. But back to the trip to Old Navy!

I'm going to need some "business casual" clothing for the next few weeks. Well all my work clothes are A) super fancy, B) black, and C) WAYYYYY too big for me. So, thanks to a few of you sisters (Joey and Jen, I'm looking at you!) I have a thing or 2 that will suffice, but I needed a few more items, so off I went. I'm sure that there's one or two of you who have been in the position of desperately NEEDING some rather specific item of clothing in a specifically short amount of time. What always (ALWAYS) happens? You go out to the mall, you hit the few stores available to the fatties, you find nothing, and you go home all sweaty, stressed out and disappointed, right?

NOT TODAY!!!!

Today, THIS fatty found not one...not two, but THREE skirts at the Old Navy! And one of them was a size (are you sitting down??) 16!!!! Ok, it was a little poofy, and ok, the size 18 in a different style skirt also fit, and it was a little tight...but STILL! Can I get a what what?? Oh and might I also mention they were all in the clearance section and I didn't pay more than $5 for any of them? Sweet baby Jeebus!

So then, because I felt that I MUST (and also because my mother needed to hit the new Bath and Body Works that just opened in the local mall but we couldn't find it so we had to wander the whole entire mall - it was literally the last thing we found...but I digress...) I went into the fat lady store. And want to know what I found there? A whole lot of tops that would have been A) WAY too big, and B) made me look like I was pregnant. Oh, and also, they were all like $50. So what I'm saying here is that, had I still been a 4X or a 5X, not only would I have found a bunch of crappy, ugly shit, I'd have paid WAY too much for it. Yeah...walking out of the fat lady store with nothing in my hand...it was niiiiice. I might have had a little skip in my step. I might...MIGHT...have even sashayed a little. Maybe. :P

And that...THAT...is my story :)

For Barbara

My heart is broken for you. When I met you in Chicago, although I knew that you and Mark were battling his cancer together, your amazing positive spirit and your brilliant smile were all I saw. Your bravery is inspirational! I hope you find comfort in the huge outpouring of love I'm seeing for you in blogland.

I've heard this poem many times over the years, and it always comforts me. I hope that you find some too.

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep
by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.