Wanna See . . .

...the difference 15 lbs can make? I thought it was kind of interesting. Don't judge the state of my bathroom or the amount of product...I have a problem.

Workout Glow, My Ample Ass

For those of you who started reading this post based on the title in the hopes that you were going to see an actual photo of my glowing, ample ass...sorry to disappoint you.

Because I'm fairly certain that the sweaty glow I get from spending too much time in the supermarket in my winter coat is NOT the same as the delightful shimmer that the rest of you seem to be sporting from your wall climbing, etc., I feel like I have a thing or two to say:

So...here I am...120lbs down. When do you think my brain is going to catch up that I'm not a couch potato anymore? Well...actually...let's not get ahead of ourselves here...this fat girl does love herself a little couching. However...the fact remains that I CAN get up of the couch now. Pretty effing spring-ily, as it happens. I can bop down a flight of stairs with ease (crunchy sounds that my knees make, not withstanding). I walked my ass all over NYC mere weeks ago! And yet...this morning when my son's kindergarten teacher asked if I was available tomorrow morning to help her out because she wanted to take the little sprites for a walk through the neighbourhood, my heart filled with terror, and my first reaction was to say no, because obviously I can't WALK around the NEIGHBOURHOOD! I mean, I got it together quickly enough to say sure, I'd be glad to help, but man...what the hell, brain?? Why can't I hear "we should walk there!" without thinking "FUCK no!"? When will that change? It's weird.

OUT. OF. CONTROL!!!

Nobody with a gastric band in their body should be able to eat what I ate today. The tally goes a little something like this: a coffee. A slice of swiss cheese, about 1/4 of a cup of greek yogurt with honey, 2 mouthfuls of the kids' mac and cheese, 10 or so rice crackers with smoked salmon cream cheese on them, 2 large unsweetened iced green teas, about 4 small spring rolls, 4 mini samosas, an entire avocado worth of guacamole that I made, with tortilla chips, a small bag of chips, 2 bites of pork souvlaki, and about 8 handfuls of M&M's. Jesus. I believe my complete and total loss of control is about 90% hormonal, but that doesn't make me feel better about it. And right now, I feel full and uncomfortable, and I have a slight headache and a case of the guilts. I'm disgusted with myself, and I don't care for feeling like this AT ALL. I know tomorrow won't be like this. But right now it IS like this and I'm blogging it so I don't forget it. Oh, and I booked a fill, but it's not until the 15th. *sigh*

Jeans and Bones

Sadly, this post is not gonna be as dirty as the title sounds to me. But bear with me, because I'm all excited!

So the other day, I went over to one of the second hand stores that I like to get the kids' clothes from sometimes, and I took a wander over to the ladies jeans rack...where I saw a pair of size 18 jeans...that I decided to try on. They were $6.99, with no wear in the crotch (miracle, right??), but in spite of the size one the label, they looked impossibly small. I don't know why I even decided to try them on...but I did. AND THEY FIT!!! So I bought them and wore them today. Which, on its own is really not a big deal...except that this is the first time I've worn jeans in something close to 10 years! RIGHT???

Focus on the jeans, not the chins (bad angle or WHAT??)

Also. Bones. I can feel some now! And I wonder how long it's gonna be before I can feel one of my bones and not have the fleeting momentary terror that it's a tumor. Does anyone else do that?? Like I feel something and then panic, and frantically start touching the other side of me to see if things are the same on the other side and then...*phew* Am I alone in this crazy? Please say I'm not! But yes...bones! I have them! Collar bones even! Who would have ever suspected? Not me, that's for sure!

Jeans and bones. See?

A Little Late To The Party...

...but I wanted to share a few pictures of the fabulous weekend in New York! I had the BEST time! Absolutely worth quitting my job for. Oh right...did I tell you? I quit my job. Yeah yeah, I know, but it came down to the fact that my little jaunt to NYC was going to be a big problem for them, and I considered just skipping the trip...but really, I knew I was going to hate this job, so when I was told that I had to decide between the job and going on the trip, it was like a little door popped up with the word "ESCAPE" above it, flashing neon...and so I told them I was going on the trip and thanks for the opportunity. At the end of the day, I met some amazing new people, made a little money, and learned a couple of things. Even I can't complain about that! And then I went on to have just the BEST time with my girls!

My beautiful Central Park girls

Kristin and Joey were the most fun tour guides ever! I'm so lucky that my first time in NYC was with girls who are in the know! Dinners and drinks and shows and shopping. The Boobs lunch was such a blast, and over much too quickly! And towards the end, it was a little bit of a blur (damn you, delicious margaritas!!) I have decided that I am a guacamole and margarita whore. Seriously. It's a little like being in love...I can't stop thinking about them! I actually wish I'd taken a picture of the bowl of guacamole so I could caress it. Man...I have issues.

Linda and Joey xo

Joey being animated and captivating

Happy Birthday Nicole! If you look hard, you might be able to see one of the bowls that the guacamole came in!

Bonnie and Read

I don't know how I got this much sweetness into one picture, but there it is.

Jen and Nicole (Jen, Stoli Orange and Soda is going to be my summer drink!)

Last but certainly not least: my Carmie :)

The Thing That Happened At Old Navy

Ever notice that a lot of the things that happen to me happen at the Old Navy? Maybe I need to branch out a little? However, this is the thing that happened this time:

They had cute summer frocks on for $9, so I figured I'd buy a couple...and try on some jeans in an 18, because it's been a while since I tried them. Good news! I bought a pair! They give me a bit of a muffin top, and they're lower cut than any "mom jeans" I've ever worn...and frankly, I might not ever even wear them (I kind of hate pants) but they fit me and look decent and so...there that is. But that's not the thing that happened.

So I'm standing there, looking through shirts, and one of the other mum's from my sons's school comes up and says hello. It's been a while since I'd seen her, and she mentioned that I'd lost a lot of weight, and she asked me how I'd done it. So I told her my usual half-truth of eating less and moving more, to which she replied "well I had a band put in about a year ago, and it hasn't worked for me!" I was kind of floored.

So...I came clean, and told her that I had one too. And then we chatted a bit. She told me that she'd lost about 25lbs on the pre-surgery diet, and then that was it. And I realized that there, right there, was the thing I'd been the most terrified of when I had this surgery. That somehow, it wouldn't "work for me".

But you know what? This surgery didn't "work for me". It worked WITH me. It helped ME make it work. It has not been effortless. It's been a long road, and I'm still very much on it. Every time I see someone who notices my loss, or tells me I look great, it helps me and makes me happy, but I'm very aware that I have 60ish more lbs to lose until I hit goal. And then I have to have a tummy tuck. And then I have to maintain it. This is never going to be over. And I'm ok with that.

But back to my friend. I gave her my blog address, and I told her about you guys, and I'm hoping that she decides to have a read through blogland, and maybe find someone whose experience speaks to her and can help her on her journey. So, in case she's reading, maybe comment for her, and give her a little boost.

Oh and one last thing. I have put the wheels in motion to get a gym membership! If I did it right (it's a special, discounted membership through my work) it will start on April 1. I'm SO looking forward to getting moving again and getting stronger! And that's my story.

Look What The Cat Dragged In!

Hellooooo! Look at you! Have you lost weight?? You HAVE! I can tell!

Well good news...so have I! A little bit, anyway, and considering how stressful the past few weeks have been, and how much chocolate/candy/evil sinful food floats around the classroom every day (I have news for you: fatties are not the only ones who dive into the carbs when they're stressed! The skinnies do it too! I know...it was a shock to me as well!), I'm super surprised! I'll take it though. I am tentatively optimistic that it's not inconcievable that my plateau may possibly be close to being...you know what? I'm not gonna say it in case I jinx it, but I think you know where I'm going with this. The other day, one of my colleagues told me that since the beginning of training, I look like I've gotten smaller, and asked if I'm losing weight...so I took that as a good sign. :)

I tell you...I don't know how you people do it! This full time working thing, with studying and exams...it's HARD! Throw into the mix trying to eat properly, and not drink too much, and soon hopefully working out...*phew*! So for now, reading about all the Chicago planning is rather a bright light at the end of this loooooong tunnel! Can't wait to see you all again (and meet some of you for the first time!)

Cheers everybody!