The Reason I Never Became A Teacher

I am not a patient person. *sigh*

I'm having a crap day. It didn't start out that way; it started out great! I went for a walk, it was sunny and warm-ish, and it was relaxing...but from there, it's been all downhill.

Last night, while I was out, my husband decided it would be a good idea to punish my 5 year old for having a messy room and for not practicing his piano. His punishment was losing his video game privileges, AND television privileges. Since there's a TV in the living room, which is the central location of the house, this means that I can't watch TV either. That makes hubby the number one person I'd like to kill today.

Number 2 on the list would be my 5 year old. Not because he did anything bad, or un-five-year-old-like, but because I have no patience and I am the worst mother ever. I don't know how to play the piano (I always wanted to take lessons when I was a kid and my mother never let me, which actually makes HER the worst mother ever, but I digress), but I have to help the 5 year old with his lessons. So I downloaded a fun app that would help me know what the hell I'm doing, and would also make learning FUN! Right? Nope.

Because I have no patience, I'm trying to play this game with him, watching him make the same mistakes over and over, and correcting him over and over, and counting up and down from the F line and the G line over and over and over and over...and in my head I am SCREAMING and wishing I'd never had children. I'm sure my impatience is coming through in my voice, which is probably scarring him for life, and in a few years, when he shoots up a McDonalds, the note he leaves will have some reference to how he thought he was a good person until he tried to learn musical notes with his horrifying bitch of a mother. Arg.

So now...I think I will just go cry.

BYOC - since I am feeling particularly crazy today

It’s Friday and that means it’s time for BYOC! Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer 5 questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy to your own blog if you wish and ENJOY!


1. Name a Valentine gift you would NOT want to receive.

I don't want to receive any Valentines gift. I wish the stupid day would go away. All it does is make people in a relationship feel pressured, and people who are on their own feel like shit. Of the .1% of people in new relationships who get boned up about this stupidity, most of them will fuck up anyway, leaving their partner feeling like 'omg he/she doesn't know me at ALL' or 'oh no...he/she HATES what I got him/her! I hate myself!!' SO not fun. Let's just all pretend that Vday is St Patrick's day. K?

2. What’s your vacation personality? Do you act/eat/talk/do things differently or completely opposite from when you are not on vacation?

I'm just drunk more, I think. Which is saying something, frankly...

3. Describe yourself in 5 POSITIVE words.

Funny

Smart

Caring

Attentive

Scrumtralescent

4. Do you have any phobias or irrational fears or dislikes?

I really, passionately dislike eggs. I want to love them, but I can't. I also have a great aversion to fingernail or toenail injuries or even stories. Oh...and there's a scene in Pet Semetery where the old dude gets his Achilles tendon cut? I can't watch it. AT ALL! *shudder*

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

I'm seriously trying to keep track of every evil bite of food that I cram into my cram hole. Seems to be working...I'm down 4 lbs since I started 2 weeks or so ago, AND I've started working out (in my way). I'm super grateful for the support of my girls...my little bloggy friends who love me even when I'm all miserable and sad and bitchy and whatever I can be. You bitches are rocks! And also? Bitches! And I loves me some bitches!

I'm Getting Botox

Yeah I am. I have these lines...11's they're called, for those 'in the know'. Which I was not, until I started looking into Botox and now I'm kinda sorta in the know, inasmuch as it pertains to me.

I've had Botox before. When I was in my early thirties and when I was making tons of money and only had one kid. And it was nearly $500 for my 11's, so that was rather sobering (I kinda got it on a whim one day when I was at this posh day spa where I was having laser hair removal done, which was a total waste of money don't even get me started) and at they end when they told me how much it actually WAS (I'd already had it done) I outwardly calmly handed her my debit card but inwardly passed out dramatically. Long story still long, I never had it again.

BUT...I freakin' LOVED it!!!! I 'From-Here-To-Eternity-smootching-on-the-beach' loved it! So yesterday a Groupon landed in my inbox for 20 units for $89. How could I pass it up? Am I made of STEEL??? I am not. I'm made of fat and wrinkles, so I took it! I will let you know how it goes!

On another note...I'm afraid I might be fighting with my BFF because of some drunken stupidity that I really don't even remember, but I'm too a'skart to ask her if we are because if she says yes we ARE fighting and she hates me now, I will be devastated. The super smart and always awesome Jenny said to message her. I'm gonna. But in case she's reading this, I want to tell her that I love her, and ask her...how many other people would have kept your borrowed copy of 'Superfudge' in practically pristine condition for 30 years and then wrap it up like an x-mas present and return it? How many? None, that's how many! So...there that is. And also I love you.

I Hate To Admit This...

...but Steph was right. Blogging DOES seem to be the key to success. Or at least some kind of writing about what you're doing and how you're feeling. Not that I didn't know this; I totally did, but somehow, my head has gotten stuck fairly far up my arse...so thanks Steph (et al), for helping me to pull it out.

Right now, on livestrong.com, my daily calorie allowance, in order to lose 2 lbs a week, is 1124. That's not a lot. And it is SUPER easy to get there. Alarmingly easy...even in banded life. But what I will say is, even though I've gone over my calories almost every day...it is extremely rare, and always alcohol related if I get over 2000 calories. Which must be why I'm not gaining. But logging my food and BEING HONEST about it is teaching me (again) where I'm going wrong.

Based on my tracking and obsessing, I'm starting to think that I might need a fill. I seem to regularly go 3 hours before I'm hungry...yet I occasionally get stuck on things. I think I'll try to keep going with what I'm doing, even though it feels a lot like work, because I really don't want to go to my clinic (where they weigh me) until I know I'm down at least a few pounds from where I was in the summer when I got my last fill. Does that seem counterproductive? Maybe...I don't know. What I do know is that I'm trying and sometimes succeeding, and that's better than the past few months, for sure!

I Know BOOBs Is Long Over, But...PICTURES!

Where I dragged everybody so I could have Fat Elvis Pie...which they had run out of :(
Pizzaria Due (in honour of Kristin!)

I miss you guys!

Stay classy, Jenny!

Cheescake Factory Vixens

Just me.

Just Carmieplops

I guess this is right when we got in? I dunno...

Ah...the re-focus...or trying, anyway

It has been pointed out to me that lack of blogging and lack of success in losing weight seem to be connected. Not that I didn't know this. But I like to ignore it. Because when I'm not losing, I like to not think of stuff. Oh sweet, sweet denial.

So here's the deal: when I started all this, I was so effing OCD about food. Not just tracking it, but thinking about it constantly, and writing about it, and terrified everybody was watching me to see if I'd fail...and when I was in that place, I lost weight. Now...I seem to maintain. I'm super tired of maintaining.

I've pledged to track every day on livestrong.com. And I've pledged to NOT crap out of tracking my food just because I know I'm going to go over my calories for the day. Because what I want to learn is where I'm habitually going wrong. I know booze is a big part of it (damn you, delicious, high calorie, high carb wine!) That, and the fact that I seem to be incapable of walking anywhere in my house without passing through the kitchen to find some morcel to toss in my face hole is also a big factor. Trying to be more aware of those things.

So. That's what I'm doing. What are YOU doing?

BYOC? Oh why not...?

Drazil’s BYOC is back after a small holiday hiatus. Yup, Bring Your Own Crazy returns!

It is 5 little questions you can answer in your own blog to give your blogging brain a break and to get to know each other better. Copy, paste and enjoy!

Let’s do a holiday/new year themed BYOC today!

1. How do you feel about NY resolutions? Do you make them? Do you forget about them quickly? Do they help you?

I LOVE resolutions! I make them like nobody's business! I don't forget them...I just feel guilty and ashamed of my weakness for not keeping them. Fun, huh? I obviously continue to make the same one: eat healthier, lose weight, blah blah. It's the same this year. I've been looking around online, trying to decide which naturopathic thing I'm going to follow this year. There are a couple of books I've looked into: The Dukan Diet, and the 4 Hour Body: An Uncommon Guide To Rapid Weight Loss, Incredible Sex and Becoming Superhuman. Obviously the second option seems a little more appealing. If anyone has read or followed either, I would LOVE some input, because obviously, I can only commit to one (for a week or so before abandoning it because someone suggested we go to a Chinese buffet...)

Other than that, I just want to eat more whole foods - planning on accomplishing this by following recipes from http://www.101cookbooks.com/ If you've never looked at this blog, do! Everything I've ever made from it has been wonderful and healthy and soul restoring.

2. Did you put up a Christmas tree? How many? Is it still up?

Yes. One. It's still up but the ornaments are off. That's something, right?

3. How many total Christmases did you choose to have to attend outside of your home?

None. Thank gods! I had xmas dinner at my house for my family and a few friends...I think there were 13 of us. I brined the turkey and it was TRANSCENDENT!!! Just sayin'...

4. What are you most looking forward to this year?

Winning the lottery. Duh.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blogland this week.

While I haven't blogged in something like forever, I still read. I've especially liked looking at how you people are re-focusing, and not giving up, and always always always fighting the good fight.