For Lara

Well...for your hubby, really! lol!

Also...I snuck a weigh in this morning because I just felt thinner...and I am down 7.5lbs from my non-loss on Wed. It's not official, because only Wednesday weigh ins are official, but still...it was exciting!! Shhh...don't tell!

Dismissed

Today was my LONG awaited appointment with the knee surgeon. I slipped on some ice last February, and it's taken until now to finally see him (thank you Canadian health care system). So in I went with my x-rays and my ultrasounds. And I was all full of hope that there might finally be an end in sight. Yeah...I was wrong to be hopeful.

What I encountered...and believe it or not, I WAS expecting this, but still it floored me when it happened...was a Dr. who was completely dismissive of me because I'm fat. What he told me, after barely examining me, was that there's nothing wrong with my knee that he can see, because he can't see the ultrasounds because of my weight. And that he can send me for an MRI of my knee, but that there's a weight limit, and I exceed it. So I told him that I'm recently banded, and I've lost over 30lbs so far, so book me for that MRI, because I'll be under the weight limit by the time - in a few months, likely - that I can get one.

I'm telling you...I am SO tired of being dismissed by the medical profession because I'm fat. I was feeling great about myself and all the stuff I've done for my own well-being in the past month or so, and today just made me feel like a big stupid fat girl, and I hate that! I sent an email to the Ontario College of Physicians and Surgeons to see if they can direct me to someone who can help. There must be a watchdog group, or an ombudsman or someone who helps fat people not be ignored by the medical establishment whose only advice ever is to lose weight and then come back. There probably isn't though, because fatism is acceptable, isn't it? Seems like it is.

I was really hoping to run a 5k this year. Guess that's not happening. Grrr...arg.

Proud Of Me :)

I went to Applebee's and I ordered the following: the Oriental Chicken Salad, with grilled chicken rather than fried, with the dressing on the side, but with half the portion on the plate and half the portion in a to-go container. I felt like Sally from When Harry Met Sally. I ate all the chicken in the portion I was served, and about 1/2 of the lettuce with about 1/2 of the dressing! It all went down smooth. That was at about 8pm...it's 11 now and I'm not hungry. So good, right!!! I'm very proud of myself for sticking to my plan! And I'm thrilled that I can eat chicken! And I'm delighted that I have lunch for tomorrow!

I do believe that I have had an NSV! Yay!

First Dinner Out

Tonight I am going out for dinner with, for lack of a better term, my Goth Girls. We are all trying to lose weight in one way or another, and although we usually opt for Thai food, tonight we're going to Applebees. My first reaction was just not to go, because I LOATHE chain restaurants. But the chit chat with this particular group of girls is usually so entertaining, I just can't resist. So I'm going to go, order off the low calorie menu and ask them to serve half and put half in a take-out container. That is my plan.

Wearing my new eyeshadow, and today I used the Urban Decay eyeshadow primer...seems to be working remarkably well! I'm impressed!

The Stitch Is Out

I am 2 weeks and a day into this, and the last stitch is out, and I'm healing very nicely, according to the good folks at the SWLC. Sadly I didn't get to see super hot Dr. Mumford, but I did get the ok to eat regular food again! Thumbnail sized pieces, chewed super well, a cup of food and then walk away. Ok. I can do that. I also got the ok to start riding my recumbent exercise bike for short periods of time. Maybe that will kick start the weight loss. I can't wait to be able to start swimming again. Ahhhh...nothing like wearing a bathing suit in public at the fetid public pool!

On the upside of today, I accidentally got sent a 10% off coupon at Sephora, which then got taken back, but because they effed up, I got ANOTHER 10% coupon to say they were sorry for sending the first one. So I went into Sephora and got some goodies inculding an eyeshadow primer that I've been dying to try. Then I went over to MAC and got some kicky new eyeshadows and lipstick and some black nail polish that I am loving. So at least my "such a pretty FACE" will look awesome!

Now...what to make these people for dinner?

Um...WTH???

Disclaimer: If you're having a rough week and you're only wanting to read up and positive blogs, then SKIP this entry...it will probably drag you down and I don't want to drag anyone down just because I'm grouchy.

So...here I am, on mushies...back to eating regular food, of which I have religiously tracked every single bite, lick and taste, and today is weigh in day and I have lost: not one ounce. I am EXACTLY the same as I was 10 days ago. I am eating less than 1200 calories a day, and I have lost nothing. How is this possible?

I know some will say that my body is in starvation mode, but I don't buy it, because I had to have been in starvation mode during the liquids phase, and I lost. My TOM is almost here, but I don't buy that excuse when you're eating like I am. Or you might think that I wasn't careful about my intake and logged it wrong, but I used scales and measuring implements for every meal. And believe me, I could be eating SO much more than I am, but I'm being so ultra good because I am terrified to fail. I have my appointment at the SWLC to check my wounds today...I think I'll make an appointment to see the nutritionist. I've spent so many years trying to lose weight that I think of myself as an unlicensed nutritionist, but maybe I'm not...maybe I'm wrong about everything I think I know.

I'm not going to let this de-rail me, as it might have done previously. But the thing I wonder...the thing that really troubles me is this: if I can't lose weight by eating very very low calorie and low carb...then what the hell was this surgery for??

Gillyology

Okay....tagged, you should do this too...Let others know a little more about yourself, re-post this as your name followed by "ology"
YOU! Yes, you reading this. You're tagged. Now that you know more about me than you ever wanted to know, play the game. Be nice.

FOODOLOGY

*What is your salad dressing of choice? Usually fat free catalina, but I do love blue cheese for dipsies!

*What is your favorite sit down restaurant? The Keg, or anything Thai.

*What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Burger King...I'm a Whopper gal!

*What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Pad Thai...by the bucketload! Spicy!

*What are your pizza toppings of choice? Pepperoni, mushroom, green olive.

*How many televisions are in your house? 3

*What color cell phone do you have? Black

"PATTOLOGY":

*Are you right-handed or left-handed? Left

*Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Well...I'm hoping to remove some unsightly cellulose...other than that, I had some teeth pulled one time...ew.

*What is the last heavy item you lifted? Child? Does he count? He's over 70lbs.

*Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Nope...I'm a lovah, not a fightah.

*Have you ever fainted? Never.

DookOLOGY:

*If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? I think no. I am a firm believer in what you don't know can't hurt you.

*If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Lorelai.

*How many pairs of flip-flops do you own? None. I am anti-things-between-my-toes.

*Last person you talked to? My Brian.

FAVOLOGY:

*Season? Fall. Love the leaves and the crisp coolness and Halloween!!

* Holiday ? Halloween...absolutely 100% I have a lot of costumes...this is one mommy who loves to dress up!

*Day of the week? Saturday. For all the obvious reasons.

*Month? October...because it means Halloween is coming! Although I do love Christmas lights...but I'ma stick with October.

* Color? Black...but since everybody always says black's not a colour, I'll say red. But it's black!

* Drink? Red Wine

CURRENTOLOGY:

*Missing someone? Yep. My friend Jake. We talk via email all the time, but I never see him anymore.

*What are you listening to? If You Were Here - Thompson Twins (the song that's playing as Jake kisses Sam over her birthday cake in 16 Candles)

*Watching? The letters magically appear before me as I press the keys!

Worrying about? Weight loss. Or lack thereof.

*What's the last movie you saw? Avatar. Didn't want to see it, but had to admit, it blew my little mind!

*Do You Smile often? I like to think I do.

*If you could change your eye color what would it be? Green. I always think green eyes are so unusual and so gorgeous. That said, I like my brown eyes a lot!

*What's on your wish list for your birthday? An iPod touch.

*Can you do push-ups? With a gun to my head, I could probably do a girl one, but that's only a theory based on the super strength that some people say they get in the face of impending death.

*Can you do a chin up? Absolutely positively not.

*Does the future make you more nervous or excited? A little from column A, and a little from column B.

*Have you been in a Car wreck? Just fender benders (knock wood!)

*Have you caused a Car wreck? I have smacked up a car or two, yes...but cosmetic damage only. I don't care for the word "wreck".

*Do you have an accent? I do NOT have a Canadian accent, and the Canadian accent drives me nuts! I do, however, say "eh". I've never said "aboot" in my life, and actually, the Canadian accent more correctly sounds like "aboat", which I also do not say!!

*Last time you cried? Oh jeez...the last time a commercial came on about sick kids or neglected animals. I'm probably crying now!

*Plans tonight? Taking Brian to his swim club and then sneaking off to wander around Winners.

*Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? In terms of my weight, yes, totally.

*Name 3 things you Bought yesterday ? Cereal, ground beef, ricotta cheese.

*Met someone who changed your life? Lots and lots of people.

*For the better or worse?? Both. But the ones who changed it for the better, I try to keep around.

*How did you bring in the New Year? With neighbours and close friends and my family at a friend's house across the street.

*Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? That's a really cool question. And yeah, I probably would.

*Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? Yep.

*What songs do you sing in the shower? Not much of a shower singer. But I'd probably sing Abba if I were.

*Have you held hands with someone Today? Yep...my 3 year old.

*Who was the last person you took a picture of? Myself, with the web cam...to document shrinking.

*Are most of the friends in your life new or old? I have a few wonderful new friends, and lots of wonderful old friends. Probably more old than new, but I love to think I make lots of friends along my way :)

*Do you like pulpy orange juice? Love it! I buy the extra pulp kind!

*What is something your friends make fun of you for? My ability to fearlessly tell people off if they need telling. My outspoken nature is often a source of the lol's!

*Last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? I MAKE it all the time...but I don't really eat it.

*What were you doing 12 AM last night? Sleeping. For a change, because I'm kind of a night owl.

*What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? My thoughts upon waking are rarely coherant enough to remember them. Probably something about WHY WHY WHY does my 3 year old get up so early and why does he feel the need to wake me up to tell me things like "you know what mummy? Your hair is brown!" Yes yes...I know I'll miss those little things when he's all grown up. :)