You're Not Going To Be "THAT" Person, Are You?

Well...here it is...the Dinnerland inspired post. Let's begin:

Let me start by saying I am a forever fatty. I was a chubby little girl, and my mother, having struggled with her weight her whole life, made it her life's work that I might not be a fat girl. To her, what that meant was shaming me about my weight in the hopes that I would eventually take myself in hand and lose weight, taking me with her to all her diet programs, and even taking me to a psychiatrist when I was about 12. Let me preface this by saying that I adore my mother, and we're very close, and she acknowledges that the fucked up HUGE, but that she was only trying to save me a lifetime of...well...this. Some of the main things of note that have resonated all these years are:

After seeing "Annie" when I was about 10 years old and immediately expressing my deep need to now be a movie star just like the girls in the movie, my mother turned to me and said "Oh well, they would never put you in a movie...they don't let fat little girls be in movies."

After walking across the stage for my grade 8 graduation, my mother very seriously telling me "Gillian, you were the fattest girl who walked across that stage."

Telling me that my thin friends were my friends because I was no competition for them when it came to boys.

Yeah...like that. Am I pissed off about that shit? Yep. Does it come out every now and then when my mother and I are getting into it? Yep. However...did it define me? Hmmm...I'm not sure, but probably not? That's probably a whole 'nother blog right there!

Clearly, my mother's plan didn't work. I mean, yes...I did starve myself through half of grade 11 and lost 40 lbs...and starved myself AND threw up a good deal in University resulting in a huge weight loss...and took Phen Fen and Xenical and went on any gods amount of diet plans...but really, am I saying anything here that any of us haven't done?

And during all of this, did I hate myself? The answer is an unequiviocal no. Do I hate being fat? Not really. I hate that fat limits what I can do...but when I say I like being the fat chick...I really mean it! Do I feel hotter now that I'm down 85lbs? Maybe a little, but honestly...not as much as you might think!

Growing up, not many of my friends were fat. My BFF and I started out pretty much the same size, in fact. I think we were darling little puddins...both of us normal and adorable 5 year olds, ready to take on the world. But I ended up way fat, and she's varying degrees of skinny, but always skinny. My oldest friends are thin girls. But in University, all my friends were chubby to some degree or another, and food was a big part of University life. And here I am as a grown up lady, and honestly...most of my close girlfriends are at least a little overweight. So yeah...I think I must gravitate to fat people. But am I prejudiced against fat people? Frig, I hope not!

Which brings me to last week, some of the girlfriends and I were at the Keg steakhouse for a girl's night out. I had planned ahead and was going to pass up steak and just have an appetizer - scallops wrapped in bacon - very yummy, and less than 300 calories for the serving (let's not talk about the bottle of wine I drank, because obviously, wine that you had to purchase at a restaurant does not count, the same way cake eaten over the sink also has no calories). Anyway, talk turned to my weight loss, as it sometimes does lately, and I guess I started spouting some of the things that I've learned and that I do now when deciding what to eat, and one of the girls said "oh my god...you're not turning into one of THOSE people, are you??" By which she meant now that I'm losing weight, I'm not going to get all preachy and junk to those of the world who are not ready to lose weight yet. And I sincerely hope the answer is no. I hope that those words (and Dinnerland's post) made me chiggity check myself before I wreck myself, you feel me?

Hmmm...this post was not as well organized as I'd hoped it would be...but it's getting long and drawn out and something shiny just went by, so...I think that might be all I have to say about that.