Food Weirdness?

So today, I was reading blogs, and although Catherine55's (I'll link you to her, but really, I'm sure you already follow her, since she was my first...*blush*) post today was about much more than this, what I took from it was this: she has "Food Weirdness"!

When I look at Catherine (and I've met her in person...yes, you can touch me, I'm real), she seems so poised and so delightfully together...who could have guessed that she is afflicted with FOOD WEIRDNESS?? Not me, but I tell you, I did some mental cartwheels when I discovered that I'm not the only one! So I decided that I'd make a list of my food weirdnesses. Because, come on...if you spend as much time thinking about...fantasizing about...lusting over food as I do; well...somewhere along the line, it's gotta branch off into some sort of psychosis. However...for now, let's call it food weirdnesses! It would be super awesome if everyone chimed in with the ones they share (or shiny new ones!), so I don't feel lonely!

1) Leftovers. Generally, I don't eat them. It's not that I don't think they're going to be good...I just don't like to eat them. But I'll happily serve them to my family. Which probably highlights some different underlying psychosis, but screw those guys! Survival of the fittest...right?

2) The first slice of bread. I don't mean the heel, because obviously nobody would eat that (except my father, who has, for my entire life, been trying to convince me that he grew up surrounded by people who would fight over the heel of the bread because it was so delicious. Um WHAT?? Sorry, old man...I'm not buying what you're selling!) I mean the first slice after that. While I'd gladly make YOU a sammich made out of that slice, screw that...when it comes to ME, I'm going for the second and third slice. I have no idea why.

3) Cheese. I practically live on it. However, if the package of cheese has been opened, the first slice...yes, I know you've already gleaned that I'll pawn that off on some nearby, unsuspecting family member, but if there's no other suckers around, I'll throw that slice out. Because it tastes like bag or something! Come ON!

4) McChicken. I know, you're all looking down at me already because I typed those 2 letters. Mc. Good...be judgey...McDonalds is the devil. But fuck ME that McChicken sandwich is delicious! I'm completely aware that it's never seen a chicken. But whatever it it...processed Big Bird meat, or dragon, or baby...I don't care...it is heaven and I will never stop eating it! But I can't eat it as a sammich. Here's what I do: I take it apart. Then I take the top bun, and the bottom bun, all the lovely mayonnaise (or McChicken sauce or crack, or whatever the McDonald's corporation calls it these days) and "lettuce" and I smoosh those together and eat those. And then, and only then, do I eat the McChicken patty. Naked. Or if there's a little bit of "lettuce" left in the wrapper, I'll toss the shreds on there...like maybe on the last bite. For orgasmic bliss. I know. I'm shaking my own head in disgust right along with you.

5. Eggs. I can't eat them. It's not that I don't like how they taste...I find them to be unoffensive. It's more the IDEA of them that I have a problem with..but if I eat them (I'm talking scrambled or in an omelette with a bunch of other crap that disguises the actual egg), I feel like I'm going to barf. I WANT to like eggs. I would LOVE to like them! They're high in protein, and so easy to cook. But I can't do it, man. I can't.

6. Bananas. See above. They make feel like I'm going to puke. And this is all pre-band, by the way. Ironically, I love banana flavoured stuff. I'd eat the shit out of a banana cream pie! I'd trample my mother for a bite of banana gelato. I'm not proud of this.

That's all I can think of for now. I'm sure there are more; I'll do a "Food Weirdness 2.0" post, if it's warranted. But for now, I just can't wait to hear how many of you are freaks like me!

Post Workout Glow

So this whole gym thing has been going for about a week and a half now. I'm feeling much less overwhelmed. I even did a Zumba class - the first since August! It was SUPER crowded, but I went with a girlfriend, so that meant no chickening out. I HAVE, however, chickened out of BodyPump twice. I'll do it, because I want to do it...it's just that I've been spending a good portion of my workout time on the weight machines, and frankly...OW! Yep...I'm a little sore at the moment. I keep telling myself that I'm gaining muscle, and that muscle is what's going to start my little fat-burning stove going again. It's very motivating!

Now let's talk about eating. It's been...un-good...for the past few days. And by un-good, I mean that I've eaten an ENTIRE bag of Miss Vickie's Kettle Cooked Sea Salt And Malt Vinegar chips. The entire LARGE SIZED bag. We're not talking any little pussy-single-serving-250-calorie-sized bag. And not in steps. Just the whole thing. And then I felt siiiiiiiiiick. Like praying-for-sweet-death-to-come-and-take-me kind of sick. So the next day, I decided that it would be a good thing for me to do liquids all day. Until I saw that piece of cake on sale for just $2.49. Which I bought. And then ate. Ugh. So what I'm saying here is that somehow, I need to tell my stupid fat-girl head that my hot fat-girl ass is trying to get in shape, so STOP thinking about food ALL the effing time!!! And REALLY stop EATING it all!

The Gym!

The other night, I had my first trip to the gym. Last summer, I got a membership with my city's parks and rec department, and went to the gym there, and did zumba classes...but that was not a gym. THIS place is a GYM! The people there are not messing around. I walked in, took a look around, and nearly walked right out again. First of all, it is HUGE. Second of all, I went at 6:30pm, so it was a total zoo. I was supposed to go with my BFF, but she wasn't feeling well (and also she sucks - just kidding...I know she reads these, so I need to use the guilt tool my mother taught me). I considered re-scheduling so that she could hold my hand, but I knew if I didn't go last night, I'd never go...so, as intimidated as I was, in I went.

Turns out, it took me about 10 minutes to get used to it and to start chatting to anyone who was lucky enough to find themselves beside me. Want to know my favourite thing? I was NOT the fattest person in there!! Not by a MILE! That's probably horrible, right? That every time I saw a fatty, I mentally measured them to see if they were fatter than me? Oh whatever...I'm a bad person...love me in spite of it! Oh no...wait...my FAVOURITE thing? On like 5 of the 15 TVs in front of me while I was on the treadmill, they had some kind of cooking show!! WHAAAT?? Yeah! One TV was just frozen on a shot of shiny, dripping with sauce ribs. Just all ribs, all the time. What the hell?? Is that like dangling a carrot in front of a donkey? I don't know. It didn't motivate me, but it did amuse me.

I have a standing Tuesday night date with another girlfriend of mine for Zumba on Tuesday nights. We plan to meet at a pub, and then go to zumbafy ourselves. Yeah, I'm aware that's not optimal, but cut me some slack. I just hope I don't puke. And I have my first BodyPump class on Saturday. MORNING. Yeah, that's what I call dedication!

It's In My Hot Little Hand

It finally arrived. The health club membership. It's here. I have it. I can just stroll into any GoodLife Fitness in the world and start working out any time I want. Any time at all. Yep. That's what I could do. Indeed I could.

The good thing about it is: my BFF also belongs to this club, and theoretically, she'll go with me sometimes. And we will, theoretically, motivate each other and have fun and become better, fitter versions of ourselves. We will, theoretically, burst forth from our coccoons, revealing our fit and healthy inner butterfly! Too much? Yeah...it felt like it was too much.

My questions for the good and faithful gym people are as follows:

1) I know we all love zumba - but what ELSE do we like doing that is helping us get strong and build muscle that will raise our metabolisms for when we are sitting on our butts doing nothing?

2) Do any of you do weights? Got any suggestions there?

3) How do we motivate ourselves to actually GO to the gym without feeling this big knot of guilt in our chests that I began experiencing the minute the card arrived in the mail yesterday?

Tell me your secrets, ladies!

Wanna See . . .

...the difference 15 lbs can make? I thought it was kind of interesting. Don't judge the state of my bathroom or the amount of product...I have a problem.

Workout Glow, My Ample Ass

For those of you who started reading this post based on the title in the hopes that you were going to see an actual photo of my glowing, ample ass...sorry to disappoint you.

Because I'm fairly certain that the sweaty glow I get from spending too much time in the supermarket in my winter coat is NOT the same as the delightful shimmer that the rest of you seem to be sporting from your wall climbing, etc., I feel like I have a thing or two to say:

So...here I am...120lbs down. When do you think my brain is going to catch up that I'm not a couch potato anymore? Well...actually...let's not get ahead of ourselves here...this fat girl does love herself a little couching. However...the fact remains that I CAN get up of the couch now. Pretty effing spring-ily, as it happens. I can bop down a flight of stairs with ease (crunchy sounds that my knees make, not withstanding). I walked my ass all over NYC mere weeks ago! And yet...this morning when my son's kindergarten teacher asked if I was available tomorrow morning to help her out because she wanted to take the little sprites for a walk through the neighbourhood, my heart filled with terror, and my first reaction was to say no, because obviously I can't WALK around the NEIGHBOURHOOD! I mean, I got it together quickly enough to say sure, I'd be glad to help, but man...what the hell, brain?? Why can't I hear "we should walk there!" without thinking "FUCK no!"? When will that change? It's weird.

OUT. OF. CONTROL!!!

Nobody with a gastric band in their body should be able to eat what I ate today. The tally goes a little something like this: a coffee. A slice of swiss cheese, about 1/4 of a cup of greek yogurt with honey, 2 mouthfuls of the kids' mac and cheese, 10 or so rice crackers with smoked salmon cream cheese on them, 2 large unsweetened iced green teas, about 4 small spring rolls, 4 mini samosas, an entire avocado worth of guacamole that I made, with tortilla chips, a small bag of chips, 2 bites of pork souvlaki, and about 8 handfuls of M&M's. Jesus. I believe my complete and total loss of control is about 90% hormonal, but that doesn't make me feel better about it. And right now, I feel full and uncomfortable, and I have a slight headache and a case of the guilts. I'm disgusted with myself, and I don't care for feeling like this AT ALL. I know tomorrow won't be like this. But right now it IS like this and I'm blogging it so I don't forget it. Oh, and I booked a fill, but it's not until the 15th. *sigh*