That's it...I am done telling people how much I've lost. I don't know why I do it...I have no idea why I feel compelled to spout the number when people tell me I look like I've lost weight. But I do. It's like a tick! But after what happened this weekend, that number is going to be a closely guarded secret, replaced with "you know...I'm not really weighing myself, so I really don't know!" Here's why:
So I'm sitting in my mother's backyard with a bunch of family, when my cousin's partner turns to me and says "wow...you look amazing! How much have you lost?" and me, with my weird, psycho tick, do a little mental math and come up with 68 lbs. To which she replies (are you sitting down? I was and it's a good thing too, because if I wasn't, I think I would have fallen over) "wow, really?? Is that without a band or gastric bypass or anything?" JUST. LIKE. THAT. *BLAMMO* Tell me this: WHO ASKS YOU THAT??? Who just comes out and says something like that, point blank? Am I in a Quentin Tarantino movie? Because if I was, after that question, there are brains and chunks of skull everywhere! I was speechless! Do you know how hard it is to leave ME speechless?? It may never have happened. Like my mouth was opening and nothing was coming out. Because I can't bald faced lie about it. She asked me the question...how can I lie?
So what happened was...I didn't lie. I sat there and felt like a dirty cheater. I sat there and felt like everything I've worked so hard to accomplish was nothing but a dirty pile of cheating. I know in my head that I'm not. I know how hard I've worked to get where I am and that I'm working harder for it every day. But there, in that moment, I wanted the deck to swallow me up because I felt ashamed. And that fucking PISSES ME OFF!!!!!
So...I'm not telling my loss anymore. I mean, of course I will here. But out there, in the big bad world where anyone can just out you...well I'm just not. It kind of makes me feel bad for people who lose big chunks of weight on their own, because apparently now, any big loss means you've had a band installed. And it's ok just to ask that. What is the world coming to?? Fuck!
In other news, the girl who normally does the cardio fusion class is back from her vacation, and yeah...she's a fat-girl checker. Which means that she's always looking at me with a mixture of "oh fatty! look how well you're doing" and "please don't keel over from a massive heart attack!" through the whole class. And she feels it necessary to give me a lot of personal attention during the class. I HATE that. HATE it. I think next class, I will tell her to back the fuck off me. Should I?
Absolutely tell her to back the fuck off. Maybe sans the "fuck" part unless she doesn't get it.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like someone pissed in your Wheaties this weekend too....screw them all. Ugh. I hate telling people how much just because they always say "really??".....I want to say NOPE - I just made that up! Who lies about that? UGH
ReplyDeleteI'm just shy of 20 lbs gone so it's not readily apparent that I'm losing weight yet, but I dread the day I get a question like that. I want to be 100% honest with the people who have weight problems, so they know it's an option and don't think to themselves, "If she can do it on willpower alone, why can't I?" But the skinny people - I just don't know. I don't feel like a cheater because this is HARD, but I know they'll think of me that way because they do not understand.
ReplyDeleteIt's also a situational decision. If I think I have an opportunity to explain to someone why I made the decision, why it's right for me, and how much work is involved then I'll spill the beans. If it's a more casual conversation where only yes or no answers are encouraged, hell no! Too much judgment, not enough time to defend.
You should tell her that you are more than capable of partaking in the class. I hate fat checkers...
ReplyDeleteI always feel like I'm lying too when I spit out how much I've lost (I think it's a tick brought on by banding!). Clearly, people don't understand banding and it pisses me off because it's definitely not easy!!
No one needs to know your "business"!
ReplyDeleteI was just in Toronto...Richmond Hill, Vaughn and Yorkdale! Oh and definitely DOWNTOWN baby!
That sucks about the person asking you point blank about surgery. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like your weight loss isn't as big an achievement as it is. You have done the work to lose every ounce. Yes, the band helps a lot, but the reason you are losing is because you are working with your band. That is a major accomplishment, and you have every right to be proud of yourself.
ReplyDeleteOn the workout front, just go up to the instructor before or after class (privately) that you're getting back into working out and that you feel self-conscious about all the extra attention. I might mention that it's making you uncomfortable to the point that it's taking away from your enjoyment of the class.
You can tell her that you want her to guide you if you look like you're about to injure yourself, but other than that, you'd just like to work out without extra individualized attention. I'm sure she means well and has no clue how she's making you feel.
I hope that helps. You are doing amazingly and are a superstar for being committed to the gym!
Well if you are a cheater then so are all of us and I have never cheated. This is hard work. Sorry about the boob cousin (or partner of). About the instructor-yeah go ahead and follow Sarah's advice above. But maybe she is just happy for you that you are getting out there. But that is my favourite word so go ahead and say it!
ReplyDeleteYes, tell her to back off. And the next time someone asks you point-blank if you have been banded, you have my permission to lie!
ReplyDeleteSorry that bitch ruined your day.
ReplyDeleteAs for the "fuck off" to the instructor, I'm going to side with Catherine on this one. I hate "fat checkers" too but you'll likely feel better in the end if you take Catherine's approach. I'd hate for you to feel uncomfortable going back to class if the whole confrontation should go south. I vote for the high road this time.
Ugh - I'm not sure why someone would even think to say that. I'm sorry you had to deal with that because I'm not sure how I would handle it.
ReplyDeleteYes talk to the fat checker and tell her you're uncomfortable. maybe she doesn't realize she's doing it to that extent.
OMG on the fat girl checker. Hysterical.
ReplyDeleteI can only speak for myself, I used the think that WLS was the easy way out. "If only I had something to make me stop" But that was before I did the research. Before I learned that it helps you but you can still be a forever fattie with the band or WLS. Don't let her get you down. Your story will inspire someone.
I don't normally tell anyone how much I have lost either. I normally say something like I am 60% of the way to my goal or now I have twenty some pounds to go until my goal. My reason was a little different. I didn't want people to look at me and think if she lost that much weight and is still this big she must have weighed XXX. Crazy I know, but it works. You get to feel the pride with losing so much without revealing the actual number. It might not work with real loudmouths, but nothing will in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI would be a little careful on how you word your comment to the trainer. You may find that she is a loud mouth and all the other trainers will think you are difficult. Not that you should care so much what they say, but you want to enjoy the gym as much as possible. Maybe say something that makes her think twice, but sounds really nice - maybe I am fine, but maybe someone else needs the extra attention you pay to me. Sounds dumb, but in those situations I have found the nicer you are to them the more it confuses them. If I lash out I just get a wall. But lashing out feels soooo good at times.
Gilly..tell her to back the fuck off I LOVE IT!! Hate that!
ReplyDeleteSorry you had that question asked you point.
My fav is well how much do you weigh now??, EXCUSE ME..asking anyones weight IS RUDE!!
oh yeah, tell her to back the fuck off lol just for the pure joy of seeing the look on her face!!
ReplyDeleteotherwise, go with catherine's suggestion lol
I'm not telling my loss either---A thank you will do!
ReplyDeleteFuck em all I say!
ReplyDeleteI can understand why you'd be shocked. I think if somebody asked them I would say, "Why does it matter to you how I lost the weight?" Definitely tell the instructor to back off.
ReplyDeleteEvery time some one asks I always say, "Do you really want me to say." It never stops people from continuing and saying yes tell me how much you have lost, but I feel like they understand that its a little touchy subject for me that way.
ReplyDeleteOh and when I get the so how did you do I don't necessarily lie, I just say, I watch my portions, I try to avoid carbs, and I work out - all is the truth, I just leave out the fact that I have my trusty band helping me watch those portions and rejecting most of those carbs. Who cares, it no ones buisness anyway so I say Lie if you want to bold faced lie, fuck 'em if they are going to judge you an not congradulate you then fuck 'em!!!
WhooHoo...I'm with the group that says Fuck em all!!
ReplyDeleteduuuuuude... I would have judo-kicked her in the jugular! The nerve of some people!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, you should tell her to back off. But do it in a sarcastic way like, "I was thinking you and I should establish a code word for when I inevitably keel over during your class. I was thinking some catchy like 'Hot Pocket' since I am, after all, the designated fatty in this class. So from here on out, unless you hear me cry out 'Hot Pocket' you can assume I'm doin' just fine, thankyouverymuch".
*nodding* Yes, do that.
I hate when people who don't understand the band make assumptions... especially when they assume that it is losing the weight for you... I am headed to Niagara Falls and Toronto next week... Is there anything I shouldn't miss? *Maria*-Blogger from "This one time at Band Camp..."
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that some people don't understand that a band is not magic! I couldn't live the lifestyle it takes, and I know it's work...just a different work. Hopefully not telling people will lead to less of those types of moments!!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Catherine (she always has good advice!). As for people coming right out and asking the band question, I kind of look at it like I do with fertility questions. We had to go through IVF to get my daughter and I'm open about that, but some friends who have twins through IVF are asked, point blank, ALL THE TIME if they had to go through IVF to get their twins ALL THE TIME! Its so invasive. I can't believe people even ask it. So then they are in the position of having to either 1. lie or 2. say something like "that's a personal question" which of course is an admittance to whomever asked in the first place. It is just beyond rude to me to ask people personal questions like that. I mean, if you were carrying around a designer purse, would someone ask you "Did you afford that through hard work or did you rob a bank?" Really.
ReplyDeleteJust pretend she is your cousins partner and let rip....then find a new gym. I am gobsmacked that someone actually asked you that....I am sorry because I KNOW even with a band thatit is not that easy....what did they say???? I would absolutely die if that happened to me....it doesn't seem that common here forpeople to get bands....(((hugs)))) and good luck at Zumba...pity the teacher though...LOL
ReplyDeleteI would definitely say something to her. People like that annoy me. As for when people come out with questions like that I have to wonder do they not censor themselves or think about the personal level of what they are asking. When someone tells me they are pregnant I don't go around asking them what position they were having sex in when the baby was concieved. Some people amaze me!
ReplyDeleteWhat an asshole! I can't believe that someone would just come out and ask that, WTF! I am sorry that you felt ashamed, I totally know how you feel. There can be such a stigma on our procedures and it really isn't fair. We all work very, very hard for our successes.
ReplyDeleteI totally know all about the fat girl checker - it can be so uncomfortable. I think it is perfectly okay to pull her aside at the end of class and let her know how you feel. I am sure she will understand. <3
I told you about the woman at WW that said she'd kill herself if she'd gained back 80 pounds after losing it, right? This was after I just said that I'd lost 80# on WW before and gained it back. My point is people are jerks.
ReplyDeleteOMG-- LOL, "Fat-checker!"
ReplyDeleteI hate that.
I agree that it is no one's business but your own about how much you've lost and how you did it. You DID NOT cheat, I agree with Sandy Lee, I've never cheated nor would I and I have done the same as you... the band is a tool.
Someone's blog is called "Two sticks or a lighter?" and I LOVE THAT. Think about it.
I love your humor-- you crack me up funny girl!!
That sucks! I agree, I'm not telling either. I have only gotten the question once or twice and I always low-ball the number so there are no "suspicions."
ReplyDeleteTotally tell the Fat-Checker to FO!
That comment above was me, Gen, at I heart the band. Signed in to my other account!
ReplyDeleteHi Gilly - So if you're made to feel a cheat, does that therefore mean that it would be BETTER not to have WLS just so that honour should be served? And while these numpties occupy the moral highground, perhaps they would like to swear that they have never cheated on their partners or a tax return, or lied about their age...
ReplyDeleteQ= "How much weight have you lost?"
A= (Smiling) "Not enough"
Q= "No, but really....??"
A= (Pleasantly) "I'll let you know when I've got to my target".
To Gym teacher = "I appreciate you're being supportive, but please could you not single me out? It makes me feel uncomfortable."
If, as the saying goes, you 'speak your truth quietly and clearly' it'll pay dividends later and enhance your reputation. Wonderfully satisfying to tell them to fuck off of course, but I reckon that leading by example wins the day.
Love your blog by the way!! (I found you via Sandy Lee)
Caroline
How rude! I told everybody and now everyone asks at every opportunity "how much have you lost?" Its so annoying especially when I havent lost anything that week.
ReplyDeleteYou should never feel like you cheated! I have a friend who has lost the same as me wuth weight watchers but I know mine is gone for good so I feel warm and fuzzy inside :-)