Last Night

Last night I had dinner plans with a fabulous and beloved group of girlfriends...that got called off at the last minute due to a number of factors.  Which is fine, no big deal...except that we were planning on going for Thai food, which is my super most favourite thing!  And we've all been there...you know something awesome is in the works for dinner, and you plan for it all day, and you can practically taste it, and by the time dinnertime hits, your taste buds are all prepared for Thai.  Except there was no Thai.

My kids had been promised dinner at Grammas, and there was NO way they were letting me off the hook for that one...and hubs was at a work poker thing...so suddenly, it was me...alone...no Thai, when my tastebuds were all primed for Thai.  And oh my GOD didn't I just go into total fat girl mode??

Suddenly, I was consumed by thoughts of every crappy, junky food place that was available to me!  I had just gotten coupons in the mail for KFC, the ULTIMATE in crappy fall-off-your-wagon-in-the-most-dramatic-fat-laden-sodium-filled way!  McPukes...haven't had a Big Mac in like a YEAR!  Wendy's...that's just around the corner and the burgers are SOOO juicy...literally, visions of fast food, dancing in my head!

FORTUNATELY...I left my purse at home.  Really no big deal at all...just pop home and get it.  And as I stood in my kitchen, I became absolutely disgusted with myself.  The other day, there was discussion on the blogs of secret eating...which I know we're all guilty of...but I just couldn't believe that the second I found myself unsupervised, my first thought was about shitty food and how to get some into me.  Like my ass isn't going to KNOW that I crammed a burger into my cram hole??  (Drazil...just leave it! :P)

I would love to tell you about how I baked myself a boneless chicken breast and ate it with a side salad.  I want to end this blog with that SO badly.  But I can't.  I actually ended up having popcorn for dinner.  With butter on it.  A crapload of butter, in fact.  But I did NOT go and get fast food.  I had some of the popcorn, and I gave the rest to the kids when they got home.  And that was it.  And I don't feel guilty about it...that's not what all of this is about...I mean it wasn't the best thing in the world, but it wasn't the worst either.  What this is about is that I'm proud of me that I didn't secretly make a run for the border (that was a Taco Bell reference...did you get it?  If you did, give yourself a gold star, because Auntie Gilly can be obscure sometimes), or grab those coupons and hit the KFC, like I (insanely) wanted to.  I also didn't go through the Tim Horton's drive through and get peanut butter cookies (six of them because it's cheaper to buy them in sixes...they rip you off if you only get one, so you really HAVE to get six, right??)  I also did NOT get hubs to go out and get me a shake or some ice cream.  I dreamed of all those things.  Extensively.  But none of them happened.

The band doesn't tape my mouth shut for me...no it does not.  It still takes a LOT of effort not to give in to the naggy fat girl inside my head.  A LOT LOT LOT!!! 

Today, I swam, and foodwise it's been perfect.  Soon there will be wine.  Oh yes...there will be wine...and then all will be right with the world...