Limits

I've been doing some thinking about limits lately.  The further I get from my starting weight, the more I allow myself to think about exactly what that weight was keeping me from, and the limits it imposed on me.  I'd love to keep it light and hilarious, like "it kept me away from lawn chairs!", but we all know it's a lot more than that.  I don't WANT to think about how much my size actually limited (limits) my life...but it seems like the lower the numbers on the scale go, the more my brain thinks about it, whether I want it to or not (against my will!  Cheeky brain!!)

Before I got my band, I loved me.  I mean, I looked in the mirror, and I thought "damn girl!  you look fiiiine!"  Occasionally, I'd see a picture of my face and be like "yuuuuck!  There is something wrong with that camera!  Makes me look puffy!", but mostly, I was good with me.  And suddenly now, I'm walking by mirrors and being critical of my fabulousness...and I don't care for it!  Ah look...I have gone off on yet another tangent.  Ok...back to limits...

When I was heavier, I stopped going out.  I stopped walking places...I even dreaded going to the grocery store.  I blamed things other than my weight...but it was really my fat that was keeping me from doing things.  I hated having to lean on the cart, or being sweaty (yeah SWEATY...in the GROCERY STORE!!!  Ummm...gross!)  Sometimes, even walking from the sofa into the kitchen was something I had to mentally work myself up to!  I made excuses so I didn't have to do ANYTHING!!  I did mental math to make sure there weren't too many steps from the parking lot to the place I had to go, and if there were...well...I just didn't go.  Simple as that.  Wow.  And I didn't even REALIZE I was doing it!!  THAT, my friends, is denial!

Well...yesterday, I worked out.  I worked out for nearly an hour, and then I went to the pool (see previous entry...UGH!!!) for over an hour.  And today every muscle in my body is pulled and sore!  But I still went shopping for a couple of hours, and then came home, unloaded, and went to Costco.  And as I was coming home from Costco, I realized that a few months ago, a day like today with all the standing and walking, would have been out of the question.  Especially if I was sore from working out (ha ha ha).  I just wouldn't have done it.  And I LOVE going out shopping!  Retail therapy is my favourite thing in the world!!  But my fat was keeping me prisoner!  And I was in so much denial, I honestly didn't even realize it!

It's slowly releasing me.  Or I am slowly releasing myself from it.  And I FREAKING LOVE IT!!!