They're GONE!!

I don't know what I did to deserve this...but my family has left me!  They ARE coming back...but for right now...and for maybe an hour...I am gloriously alone!  Shh...do you hear the NO SCREAMING??  Yeah...me too!  And it is GLORIOUS!

I spend a lot of time here writing about me, because let's face it, this is my blog, and I love the crap outta me.  But I thought, since I have a moment, and since it's kind of crappy out, I'd tell you a little bit about the people who live here with me.

First of all, there's M.  He's the baby daddy. We are not officially married.  Gilly doesn't get married.  But he's been hanging around here for over 14 years and he doesn't seem to be going anywhere, so it's whatever you want to call that.  We met at a party when I was in funeral school.  He thought I was too pretty to approach, so he didn't (damn right...I am totally out of his league!).  But since he was rooming with a friend of mine, I ended up seeing quite a bit of him, and I knew he had the hots for me.  I was coming off of a relationship where the dude treated me like crap, so when I saw poor, unassuming M totally loving me, I figured I'd date him as my rebound man.  Turned out, he was just a fantastic dude, and I actually liked being treated really well!  Who knew?  He loves me in spite of all my crazy.  He is much quieter than me, and he's very droll and he's VERY smart, and he just kind of lets me...be ME.  It works out pretty well.

Then there's #1 son, B.  He's 9.  He is super cool.  He worships me and thinks I'm hilarious, so clearly, he's my favourite.  He plays the piano, and he's a track star, and he's super smart.  He makes his own movies and edits them on the computer!  He's very gentle and lets his 3 year old brother completely kick his ass.  He shares my love for Buffy and zombie movies and all things horror related.  I know you really should censor what your kids watch (I seem to be constantly being advised to use my parental discretion, but I'm not actually sure I have any of that...) but I pretty much let him watch everything (nothing hard core...simmer down).  I hope that when he's a famous director or stand-up comedian, he'll look back and thank me for being super cool in that regard, and in interviews, he'll site his mother and Louis C.K. as his greatest comedic influences.

Now I'll tell you about son #2, G.  That dude is full on CRAZY.  He cracks me up more than anyone on the planet!  The kid is totally OCD, and he's obsessed with the vacuum.  He is equally terrified of and in love with the vacuum.  He talks about it a lot.  Like he'll stop people in malls to tell them that we have 2 vacuums, that mommy loves to vacuum (I do NOT), that he's scared of the vacuum...and people will look at me all weird and ask me in disbelief: "is he saying 'vacuum'??"  Yeah, it's insane.  He actually dumps stuff on the floor so that I'll HAVE to vacuum. Actually...now that I'm writing about it, it sounds a little weird and fetish-y...but I know it's just a phase.  You know how I know?  #1 son was EXACTLY the same!!!  EXACTLY!!!  Two boys, born 6 years apart, who could NOT be more different, personality-wise, with the IDENTICAL vacuum obsession.  Some weird genetics going on there, I tell you!  G is very charming, and he's also very bossy and bitchy and control freaky.  Sound like anyone you know?  Yeah...totally.  He's a badass, and I wish I didn't have to correct him, because I actually think most of the stuff I have to yell at him for is really hilarious, but I bow to the public pressure of liking having well behaved children...what can I say...I am weak.  I am kind of not looking forward to seeing this one defy me as a teenager...but right now he's a cuddle muffin, so I'm enjoying the ride.  And if you're still reading, I'm betting that the word "vacuum" has lost all meaning to you now, hasn't it?  Welcome to my world.

So that's them.  The people who make me insane on a daily basis.  The people who I live and breathe for and love the bones of.  And I MADE two of them!  The eyebrows were the hardest part!

Ok...now go...carry on with your Saturday.  Nothing else to see here.